How to network for a better job without feeling awkward as hell

Networking is one of the most effective ways to secure a new and hopefully more satisfying, job - or so the stats suggest.

One 2010 study involving 50,000 people in the US found that over 40 per cent of workers found new jobs from simply talking to people, which chimes with an often-cited piece of research from the 1950s into white collar workers in the US, and more recent assessments by a US academic in the Harvard Business Review. Networking as a way to get a leg up in the world is undeniable.

But that doesn’t make it any less painfully awkward. Even the most gregarious among us will have at some point stood uncomfortably with a drink in hand, trying to pluck up the courage to make eye contact - let alone chat to - important-looking strangers in the room. Or worse still, we’ll head out to a careers event with a friend and end up chewing the fat with them at the nibbles table for an hour before heading home.

How can we get over this hump? We asked some experts.

Choose the right event for your personality

“There are many different types of net-working events and it’s important to find the right fit,” advises Serena Simmons, a psychologist at Nottingham Trent University. "There might be a reason that after the sixth time of attending an event you still feel awkward, and that may be because how the event is being run is not something you feel you are getting any value from. Don’t be afraid to try different types of events, whereby you feel that the people attending are more your ‘tribe or community’. This means that you are more likely to build genuine connections with people which may lead to good business."

Change your mantra from ‘selling’ to helping

“One of the main things that can change your mind-set and help with any nerves or feelings of awkwardness is to go with a mantra that has you focus on how you can help, in other words ‘how can I serve’ the people I meet?” says Simmons. “With this focus, the pressure isn’t on you to deliver anything or be someone you think you should be in this type of environment. This instead becomes all about how you can help the other person which often can end up with you naturally being able to talk about what you offer versus crow-barring it into a conversation.”

Check how people are standing

“Sometimes, you can see people adopting open stances, where they have one eye on the rest of the room and are standing at a slight angle to the person that they are speaking to,” says Carl Reader the author of The Startup Coach and The Franchising Handbook.

“The hidden message is often 'come and join us!' At most events, people expect you to come over and say hi. You should however be aware of situations where two people may be attempting to have a confidential discussion - often they will appear guarded, perhaps in a corner - for these situations, it's best to move on and approach someone else.”

Listen more than you speak

"As tempting as it is to tell someone all about your own business journey and products, try listening to more to the other person," says Simmons. "Basic emotional intelligence research tells us that listening has a powerful effect on the person speaking. When we allow someone to feel heard, they feel more willing to trust, open up and generally ‘feel good’ about talking to you. As Walt Disney said, ‘people spend money when and where they feel good’, so just making someone feel good, by feeling heard, can again have the added bonus of people wanting to be involved with you and or your business."