Parents whose children lived with them during lockdown experienced ‘extreme grief’ when they left for university

Almost all parents of students felt “extreme grief” after their children left home for university this year, according to new research.

A survey of 1,000 mothers and fathers in the UK found that 98 per cent of them felt a significant loss at the beginning of the academic year.

Empty nest syndrome, the name given to the grief parents feel when children leave home, affected 99 per cent of fathers surveyed and 95 per cent of mothers.

Parents said that growing closer to their children during lockdown had made the situation worse.

The research, commissioned by Unite Students – a provider of student accommodation – found that 17 per cent of parents cried uncontrollably after their child left.

Three in every 20 people said they believe they went through a period of depression, while 17 per cent experienced physical symptoms of grief including panic attacks, sleeplessness and a racing heart.

To stave off the impact of empty nest syndrome, almost a third of parents have considered buying a new pet.

Others have seen this as an opportunity to increase their income, with 17 in every 50 people saying they are thinking about taking in a lodger.

Susan Utting-Simon, a 56-year-old mother whose daughter moved from Leeds to London to begin studying at King’s College in September, said she has experienced “waves of different emotions” since she left home.

“I have had moments when I’m thinking, ‘I’m sure she’s absolutely fine’, and then waves of what can only be described as grief hit me. I’m really not exaggerating,” she added.

Some parents spoke about the difficulty of adjusting to a smaller household, including struggling to recalibrate the weekly shop and missing the mess their child would leave around the house.

While a fifth of parents reported feeling guilty for not making the most of the time they had with their child while they were still home, some tried to have a more positive outlook.

Almost a quarter (24 per cent) said they felt excited about the new experiences their child will have, while 17 per cent admitted to boasting that their child has gone to university.

Dr Dominique Thompson, an expert on empty nest syndrome and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up, said the experience can feel very similar to bereavement.

She continued: “It’s usually more common in women, although men can obviously experience it as well, and it seems they’re really feeling it this year, perhaps more so because of the pandemic.”

Almost one-third of parents (17 per cent) said they are worried about the stability of their marriage since their child left and that they are arguing with their partner more.

“In extreme cases, it can absolutely trigger marital discord and even lead to divorce,” Thompson said.

“Support is available and I’d urge them to talk to someone. Above all, however, parents and carers should take pride from what their child has achieved.”