Wife who watched soulmate die says blasé attitude to symptoms cost him his life
Dave Smith, 58, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on February 2, 2024, after years of suffering from pain
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Your support makes all the difference.A wife who locked eyes with her “soulmate” as he took his last breath after a three-month cancer battle said her husband’s “blasé attitude” to his health cost him his life.
Rachael Smith, a 36-year-old biologist from Newcastle, was looking into her husband’s eyes when he passed away at home on May 28, after battling cancer for three months – during which time he lost four stones and decided he was too unwell to receive chemotherapy.
Dave Smith, 58, a chemical engineer consultant, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on February 2, 2024, after years of suffering from pain in his abdomen and changes to his bowel movements which he ignored for more than a year before seeing doctors who originally thought it was due to old age.
Dave’s health rapidly deteriorated until he looked like a “skeleton”, and after doctors acknowledged there were limits to treatment he could receive, he refused chemotherapy to die at home.
Rachael hopes her husband’s experience will encourage people to take their health seriously and raise awareness about the “minor symptoms” that could help people catch this deadly illness early.
“His eyes were just wide open and he was just staring straight at me, I could see myself in his eyes, and he just took his last breath,” Rachael told PA Real Life.
“They say people wait to die in the moment they want to die, and I actually think there’s some truth in that – he wanted me there and he wanted me to look at him when he was going.
“I held his hand and said that I loved him – it was traumatic but it was also a relief that he wasn’t in pain anymore.
“Dave’s blasé attitude to his health cost him his life.”
Around 10,500 people are diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the UK every year, more than half of whom die within three months, according to research by the charity Pancreatic Cancer UK.
Symptoms of pancreatic cancer can include:
According to the NHS
Symptoms of pancreatic cancer can include:
- the whites of your eyes or your skin turn yellow (jaundice), and you may also have itchy skin, darker pee and paler poo than usual
- loss of appetite or losing weight without trying to
- feeling tired or having no energy
- a high temperature, or feeling hot or shivery
Other symptoms can affect your digestion, such as:
- feeling or being sick
- diarrhoea or constipation, or other changes in your poo
- pain at the top part of your tummy and your back, which may feel worse when you’re eating or lying down and better when you lean forward
- symptoms of indigestion, such as feeling bloated
Rachael and Dave met through a mutual friend in 2016 and bonded over their love of horses.
“Dave is one of those who never got poorly. His health was something that I never worried about,” said Racheal.
Around two and half years ago, Rachael noticed “changes” in Dave’s bowel movements, which became light in colour and smelled really bad.
“We laughed about it to begin with because whenever he went to the toilet, he would absolutely stink out the utility room, to the point where it made me feel a bit sick,” she said.
Overtime, Rachael also noticed a change in Dave’s physical appearance and said he would often complain about indigestion.
“There was a 23-year age gap between us but he was very, young looking man,” she said.
“Then in the last year, I really started to notice that he was just looking older.”
Dave did not see a doctor until May 2023, when he went for an over-50s health check, a year after he first started having digestive problems.
The tests confirmed he did not have bowel cancer, but Rachael was shocked after doctors found he was pre-diabetic, given he was in good shape.
A month later, she noticed Dave’s stomach was swollen and later learned he had been complaining about having tummy pain to friends.
“He probably didn’t tell me because he knew I would start badgering him to go to the doctor’s again,” she said.
Alarm bells went off when Dave, who usually had a big appetite, stopped finishing his meals, even his favourite dishes like fillet steak and chips.
Dave agreed to see another doctor who said he likely had diverticulitis, a condition which can cause abdominal pain and commonly affects people as they get older.
Then in January 2024, the couple went on an off-road driving experience in their Mitsubishi Shogun, which Rachael described as Dave’s last day of health.
He woke up in the middle of the night 24 hours later and said: “I’m in agony – I feel like I’m having a heart attack.”
Dave was rushed to A&E where doctors initially believed this was due to gallstones, but an ultrasound showed a lump near Dave’s liver and a CT scan later confirmed he had lesions on his pancreas.
“Pardon my language, but it was just a complete shitshow after that,” said Rachael.
They returned home, but no sooner had they walked through the door than Dave started turning yellow.
“We went back to the hospital and he didn’t come out for two months,” said Rachael.
It turns out Dave had multiple tumours on his liver and pancreas that were pressing against his bile ducts and preventing his liver from filtering bilirubin, a waste product which is known to cause jaundice.
“Whenever anybody looked at his CT scans and I looked at their faces, I knew it was bad,” said Rachael.
“I’m a biologist and I didn’t appreciate when all the doctors told us it was a fast-moving cancer, just how quick it was – it was literally just growing and growing every day.”
Dave’s condition deteriorated rapidly and over the next two months his weight plummeted from 12st 7lbs (79kg) stone to 8st 7lbs stone (54kg).
“I didn’t think that he could possibly lose any more weight, but he did, and it was so upsetting to see, because I was just looking at a skeleton to be honest,” said Rachael.
Dave was offered chemotherapy but he declined after being told his condition was severe, and if he lost any more weight he would not be eligible.
He was discharged at the end of April and spent his final weeks at home with Rachael.
“He said he wanted to die at home with me by his side,” said Rachael through tears.
“I never want to see a soulmate die ever again, because that’s actually quite traumatic.”
On May 28, Rachel was at home with her mother when Dave, who was in bed, became restless.
“I came up and I lay next to him, and put my head on his head, and he calmed down,” said Rachael.
At around 7pm, Rachael’s mother left the room to feed their three dogs.
“Dave started nudging my head and I was like, well this is weird, he’s never done this before,” she continued.
“I decided to just look at him because I just thought, he’s nudging me, maybe he’s trying to get my attention.
Rachael was staring her husband in the eyes as he took his last breath.
Asked what advice Rachael has for other people who are at risk of developing pancreatic cancer, she said: “Take your health seriously and be an advocate for your own health.
“I really hate it when people say pancreatic cancer is a silent killer.
“It was a collection of minor symptoms that really raised alarm bells for me and if I can see the problems, other people have got to be the same.
“The problem with pancreatic cancer is it just doesn’t make you unwell enough that you can’t do your job.
“You are better than any GP, it doesn’t matter how much experience they’ve got, you know your own body.”