How to be happy: 'My freelance work has killed my social life'

I work freelance and often sit alone with no one to talk to. I find it difficult to build relationships, ending up feeling like a stranger. Work is one of my only chances to meet people but I just don't have the confidence to approach anyone. Rachel.

Step 1: The fear of not belonging occurs in many situations and my feeling is this happens for you outside of work as well. The reality is that even those who are long established members of a group can feel like outsiders, because a sense of belonging relates to our state of mind. Remind yourself that everyone feels social anxiety at some level, it's quite normal.

Step 2: Ask yourself why it is that you feel like a stranger when you are first and foremost a person who, just like other people, needs human contact. Is there a small but persistent internal voice telling you that you are not worthy of belonging, that you are an outsider? If so, challenge these criticisms and remind yourself that you have knowledge, competencies and a shared professional experience; evidence that you are justifiably a member of your group, even if on an irregular basis.

Step 3: By acknowledging your legitimacy to be a group member and gently putting aside your internal dialogue that says that you must remain at a distance, your anxiety should diminish. It takes very little to connect, a warm smile is usually enough to start a conversation. Try half-smiling to yourself while being aware of your breath. Notice the feeling the half-smile creates. Practice half-smiling to help relax you into showing a welcoming persona. Our moods are affected by the expressions we make, so half-smiling will produce endorphins which will pick up your mood, which will generate a sense of wellbeing which others will notice and be attracted to.

Step 4: With a smile it becomes much easier to greet your colleagues and this will open up the possibility that conversations will naturally develop. Have compassion for yourself and your peers, many will also feel unconfident. By being authentically warm and open, you will create an aura of accessibility which will encourage others to connect to you. Be curious about them and if they do not immediately reciprocate, do not take this as a rejection, people often feel that they don't have the right to enquire. The more open you can be the more established the relationships will become.

Cecilia is Mind journalist of the year. If you would like her to answer your problems email her at c.dfelice@independent.co.uk