A little bit of lift

A cleavage has never been something I'm known for. When they were handing out breasts of the fulsome, bouncing variety, I guess I must have been elsewhere. I've always felt that I would like bigger breasts. Not like Pamela Anderson's or anything, but a cleavage to call my own would be nice.

On the other hand, I would never dream of going under the knife to have silicone implants. So when I heard about the "natural bust lift treatment" from Body Ultimate Skincare I thought I would give it a go. It's a bust-boost using the most advanced electronic muscle stimulation technology (EMST), without all the complications of surgery, and it claims to make a difference in just 60 minutes. Too good to be true? Well, worth a try, anyway. As quick as a flash, I went along to the Janet Ginnings Hair & Beauty salon in Mayfair for a treatment. They also do bum lifts here (but the machines are bigger).

"What is your problem?" asks Janet Ginnings, when I sat down for the consultation. "There must be one, otherwise you wouldn't be here – droopy, no cleavage?" (She tells me Caprice has just been in. But this was only for a facial, apparently.) I explain that my breasts used to be a lot firmer when I was younger and they are, well, not too big. I put on a white towelling robe. "I want my bust to be lifted, pert and firmer," I tell her. I mean – who doesn't?

She introduces me to her amazing bust lift machine, which I admit I find a little unnerving. This will pass low electric micro-currents (from 0.1Hz to 800Hz) to my breasts, via a pair of green plastic cups. The pulsing sensation is "comfortable", she reassures me. Combined with some collagen therapy gel and bust-firming gel – which she is mixing up in a bowl – the electric currents will stimulate my muscles and lift them up. It's like exercising. I will see a difference even to the touch, not just the look – after one session. In my dreams, I tell myself.

Janet paints some gel inside the green cups and over a black carbonated material, which acts as a conductor. She then places the cups inside my bra on top of my breast, so that the lift is from underneath (rather than from the side, which is good for droopier, bigger breasts). She tells me that she used to cleanse and exfoliate the bust first with a cream scrub containing apricot kernels, to remove dead cells, but she found that most English women do not like to be touched or looked at. French women don't mind, apparently.

She turns the machine on for a gradual warm-up. At levels one and two, I can't feel a thing. At three, I start to feel a tingling sensation. At four I can really feel a pull, but it is a happy pull. At five I say ouch! In fact it is quite alarming for a hypochondriac. It feels like I am having some sort of major muscle spasm. Yes, I am definitely a little worried and so Janet brings it down to four and a half. I relax and just try to keep still. Just a strong pull is fine.

What exactly is happening? Two low micro-current pulses are being passed into my breast via the cups. One, intermittent, is stimulating the motor nerve attached to the pectoral muscles to give a toning effect. "By plumping out the muscle, it in turn lifts the breast," she says. (It's not a full muscle contraction, she tells me, because the overall effect would be too much definition to the muscle and I would look like a bodybuilder.)

Meanwhile, another current is generating heat and helping to soften the skin's surface texture, increase circulation and dilate the pores – which is assisting the penetration of the active ingredients of the gels. The bust-firming gel is now pumping in antioxidant vitamins, which will help protect against free radical damage and so improve the appearance of the breasts. It is also infusing the skin with essential oils including cedarwood, lemongrass and petitgrain – helping to give an uplifting feeling to the breast and nourishing for the skin.

Sounds good, but unhelpful. I want to see results. It's hardly much fun sitting with electrical currents going through you, unless something pretty dramatic is going to happen. So, what is the collagen therapy gel doing then? "It contains hydrolysed wheat protein, a small enough molecule to penetrate the epidermis (passively rather than invasively) into the dermis via the hair follicles and the sweat glands," explains Alison Bowden, from Body Ultimate Skincare, who devised this system. "It is trapping already existing moisture in the breast by wrapping itself around the body's natural collagen, whilst also adding more in (but a synthetic version). This gives the bust a spring and plumps it out – smoothing away any fine lines on the surface of the skin." She describes it like a raisin metamorphosing into a plump grape. Hmm.

Forty minutes later, Janet turns the machine off. The cups are taken out of my bra and I wipe away the left over gel with a tissue. Janet says my breasts have absorbed a lot of the ingredients. She thinks the shape has changed slightly. It certainly feels like something has happened, but I can't work out what it is. Later that night, to my great surprise and not a little pleasure, I notice that my breasts feel plumper, almost rubberised to touch and much fuller. "Everyone will see a difference after one session," says Bowden. "Sometimes it's quite slight, sometimes quite dramatic. This depends on individual skin tone and receptiveness to the transmission of the current."

Mine certainly do feel plumper, and generally have a much perkier look. Intrigued, I want to know how long it will last. About five to seven days, Bowden says. And here's the catch. "The muscles will be slightly toned, but you will need regular treatments to compound the lift. It's like going to the gym. Once you have reached a level you are happy with, then it needs maintaining once a month. But at this stage, it is the collagen (in conjunction with the electrical current that has aided penetration) – which is giving you the plumped-up effect."

A course of 10 treatments (£35 each) over four weeks is recommended, as well as using collagen therapy gel twice a day to feed the bust. I don't think I could hack this – let alone afford it – for the rest of my life, but in the meantime I am enjoying the bounce.

Body Ultimate Skincare 0800 073 0430, salons nationwide; Janet Ginnings Hair and Beauty (020-7499 1904)