Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories
With teenagers becoming more social media savvy, it’s becoming more difficult to protect them from stories about war and conflict.
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Your support makes all the difference.With all the access teenagers today have to the internet and social media, they may see more distressing news stories than even their parents.
Palestinian militant group Hamas – deemed a terrorist group by the UK Government – invaded Israel on Saturday from Gaza, with rocket attacks by air as well as military in boats.
Since then, Israel has sealed the Hamas-ruled Gaza Strip off from food, fuel, medicine and other supplies, while launching retaliatory air strikes on the territory, which is home to 2.3 million people.
The most recent numbers suggest 900 people have been killed in Israel, 700 in the Gaza territory and the West Bank, and many hostages have been taken. Hamas has pledged to kill captured Israeli hostages if attacks target civilians in Gaza.
The conflict has sparked protests by pro-Palastine and pro-Israel groups in the UK and prompted political division on social media.
Teenagers are likely to be exposed to a lot of the news, internet discussion and perhaps distressing images of conflict. So how should parents approach this?
Talk about it at home
Dr Jeri Tikare, clinical psychologist at Kooth, a digital mental health platform, believes parents should be as truthful as they can with their teenagers.
“This means that it is important for us to not to hide things away from them. It is better for them to hear it from us (their people of safety) as opposed to reading it or hearing it from others,” he says.
“Also bearing in mind the curious nature of the mind. It is inevitable that for things that they do not understand, they might research and look for answers.
“It can be helpful if they get their information from a reliable source which can feel contained and reassuring. But share information at a level that is developmentally right and just enough to help the young person feel contained and safe.”
Check yourself
As the parent, learn the basics of what is going in the conflict yourself from reputable sources so you can have balanced, informed conversations with your child.
“It can also be useful to be aware of our own reactions as parents or primary caregivers,” he says. “One of the ways young people learn and develop is via observing and then modelling adult behaviour. Hence, they can pick up anxieties or worries displayed by parents.”
Validate and normalise expressing emotion
If your teen is particularly affected by distressing news stories about war and conflict, Tikare encourages parents to give their teenagers the opportunity to express how they are feeling in different ways – such as writing, drawing, stories, songs, and things that feel helpful for the young person.
“Some find a feelings box helpful,” he adds. “It might also be helpful to introduce them to some simple relaxation techniques such as taking three deep, slow breaths, breathing in for a count of three and out for three.”
Be there for them
Giving your teenager the space, time and encouragement to open up about how they feel on any subject – world news or otherwise – is key.
“I know that life can be hard, busy and sometimes young people are aware of this and might not want to disturb you,” Tikare says. “Therefore, it might be helpful to make a conscious effort to let them know that you are mindful of how difficult it can be and reassure them that you are available to talk about things.
“Giving them extra love and attention at this time can be helpful, especially at difficult times like this.”
Discuss social media
Tikare acknowledges that television, social media and other platforms “can be very distressing and exacerbating” for teenagers.
But you may not be able to prise your child away from posting on their social media accounts altogether.
“It would depend on the motivation behind posting and where they are posting,” Tikare says. “Posting about the feelings experienced around the conflict in a supportive and possibly moderated space, with people sharing similar feelings associated with the conflict, can help normalise the experience and leave them feeling less alone.
“On the other hand, it could also expose them to content and comments that could potentially trigger distress.” So be sure to make them aware of the content they may come across online.