Virginia Ironside's Dilemmas

Dear Virginia,

I've just had my GCSE results, which are really bad. My parents want me to take them again, but I can't see the point. I'm sure I can't do A-levels. I don't want to go to university, anyway. I don't know what I want to do when I leave school, but I like practical things, and sport. I'm no good at academic stuff. I'd rather get a job stacking shelves in a supermarket – at least I'd have some money. How can I convince my parents it's pointless to try again?

Best wishes, Evan

I'm afraid you've come to wrong place if you want me to encourage you to throw everything in right now. Because I just don't think you should.

For a start, you may find that if you want to do any job in sport - even if it's just to be a lifeguard at a swimming pool – GCSE results really do count. As for stacking shelves, you'll get a better job in a better supermarket with GCSEs than without.

What really counts, though, is the capacity to stick at things. Forget about your marks in the next GCSEs. Just give yourself marks for trying again. That is the hardest part, not the passing the exam. If you throw it all in now, you're already starting on a career of trying things out and then giving them up when they get too troublesome. With the attitude you have at the moment, I bet you'd hardly last five minutes even strawberry picking. The moment your back ached, you'd throw in the towel. What counts in life is tenacity and persistence and the ability to learn from your mistakes. If ever there was a person who needed to read the story of Robert the Bruce it's you – and if you don't know it, look it up on Google.

The other thing to remember is that you are still young. Okay, today you feeling like giving up. But tomorrow you'll have changed. You don't want to find that at 17 or 18 you suddenly bitterly regret having fallen at the first hurdle and not got up, dusted yourself down, and tried again. You'll say you know exactly how you'll feel in a couple of years, but you don't. I bet your ambitions have changed since you were three years old. They could change again.

But don't listen to me. All you've got at the moment is two polarised views: yours and your parents'. What you need is a few others in the mix. Ask the careers teacher at school what qualifications you need to train as something in sport. And ask your own teacher, or another sympathetic teacher, what they think about your re-taking your GCSEs. I feel what you need is some encouragement. You write a perfectly good letter. I think you're perfectly able to pass at least some GCSEs well next time around. By all means settle for less when you're older. But you're young. With a few exceptions, nearly all young people think they are more incapable than they really are. When I was young I never went to university, and thought I was useless. I was wrong – but times were different then, and you could walk into good jobs without qualifications. That's all changed. But don't think you're rubbish. You're not. Now's the time to set your ambitions a little bit higher than you think you can achieve, not lower.

Make a plan

There is still plenty of hope! You say you like practical things and sport. Your local FE college will have plenty of vocational courses on offer, where you can let your practical talents flourish. A good trade is as good as any qualification. Colleges also offer apprencticeship opportunities. Sport can also be an option at college, within a course or just for recreation. Although it might be too late to enrol this year, find out from their prospectus what course you might like, go with your parents to the next open day and put it an application for next year.

In the meantime, I would advise you to retake your English and Maths GCSEs (very probably on offer at your FE college) and get a job to keep you busy and fill your bank account. Showing your parents that you can be proactive and thinking of a plan B will surely reassure them that you are prepared to go upwards and onwards!

Véronique Knighton

York

Follow your heart

There is a world of choice out there for people who don't go to Uni. My stepson felt exactly as you did – he didn't enjoy the academic life and did a lot of research into sports courses, ending up at a training centre at Cowes, Isle of Wight training to be a water sports instructor. He then went to Barbados for a few weeks to learn scuba diving. He managed to save some money from odd jobs, and beg/borrow the rest to pay for the course. A lot less than three years debt from Uni.

He got a job with Neilsons and had six years having a fantastic time in the summer resorts, then he did a quick cooking course and went out to ski resorts every winter. It's not great money to begin with, but he had a great time and made some lifelong friends. All this can lead to many other openings for your future.

Think about all the things you love to do most, and then find out how you can earn money doing them. I always wanted to travel the world and get paid for it, so I learned a second language and joined a long-haul airline. I had 15 great years doing that, then went into hotels and worked in different countries for a number of years.

L Barker

Stoford, Somerset

All jobs need brains

Stacking shelves in a supermarket involves stock rotation, checking and reporting damaged goods, ensuring hygiene standards are kept, knowing where items are in the warehouse, and customer care. As a part-time checkout operator for more than six years at Tesco, I learned to respect my shelf-stacking colleagues. Supermarkets need people with brains as shelf stackers and, for those with promise, offer training options right up to management. But first, listen to Mum and Dad. Dump the load of self-pity, and re-sit the GCSEs. Then, with improved results, go on to A-levels. After that? Well, it's up to you.

John Burrows

Leicester

Next week's dilemma

Dear Virginia,

I'm a single parent and a couple of weeks ago my daughter started school, and isn't back now till 3.30pm every day. She loves it and I'm so pleased for her, but now I find that I'm getting really low and depressed at home on my own with nothing to do. I can't see much point to my life any more. The only way out, I feel, would be to have another baby... but then I can't go on doing that for the rest of my life. Do you have any ideas? I can't get a full-time job because I think it's really important to be here for my daughter in the afternoons and holidays.

Yours sincerely, Viola

What would you advise Viola to do? Email your dilemmas and comments to dilemmas@independent.co.uk, or go to independent.co.uk/dilemmas. Anyone whose advice is quoted will receive a Belgian Chocolate Selection by Amelie Chocolat ( www.ameliechocolat.co.uk)