Alison Taylor on relationships: Your place or mine?

It's not a bad dilemma, as dilemmas go – do we go back to my place or his? But I find as my relationship progresses it's becoming something of a sticking point.

I'm familiar with the phrase, but I can't say I've ever used it; maybe it was one of those cheesy lines from a Nescafé ad back in the Eighties. For me and the boyfriend, the decision's usually based on some-thing as banal as who has a wash to do.

It's becoming a bit of a drag. I spoke to my friend Virginia about this and she said that in the early days of her (latest) relationship they would always go back to hers. When her soon-to-be boyfriend once complained, “why do we never go back to mine?”, she quipped, “because my flat isn't full of smelly boys,” and it was never spoken of again.

The thing is, she did have the “better” flat. First of all she owned it (bonus), second of all she lived there alone (erm, obvious bonus) and third of all, well, it was just so much BETTER. Soon after, he moved in. He's eight years younger than her though, so the demographic kind of dictated that situation.

For us, it's not quite the same. We both have nice, reasonably grown-up places and we've both become quite attached to them. Crucially – and we've not admitted this – we each think our own flat is “better”. It's juvenile but there you go. We also both work hard and are less inclined to be spontaneous on a week night, only to be left at the other's place lacking a clean outfit/pair of knickers. He'll kill me for saying this, but I'm way more likely to be knickerless during the week.

And this is the trouble. You want to be spontaneous, you want to see that person, you don't mind their place, but honestly? Sometimes you just want to go home. Where the TV is better, the condiments are better, and you have clean pants. µ

@lovefoolforever