Games people play
Pandora Melly meets a man who fibs about his aunts
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The best games are those that are appreciated only by oneself. Take the 1907 photograph of the pyramids up there. To most observers, those people with the camels are a number of my aunts of particular hideousness. The fact of the matter is, I have no idea who they are. The next picture is of an attractive boy called Abdullah, with whom I had an affair many years ago; he's in fact a newspaper cutting. You see, some of the things are real - like the photograph of my godson - and some are not.
My godson's parents had a drawer in which there was money, and I was allowed to help myself to pay for his treats. By the time he was three, he'd been to the Caprice, the Ritz, Mirabelle - the works. This required considerable sums, so I visited this drawer quite often, noticing that the money was constantly refreshed.
I found a lot of Swiss notes in there one day, and at the exchange booth at Victoria Station, instead of the usual pounds 10 or pounds 20, I was given pounds 270. So I went away, and what I bought with it was an extremely expensive frying- pan. I've still got it. Guilt made me do it. I had to hide the money somewhere. Have you any idea what it's like trying to hide money in central London? I didn't want the embarrassment of being found out in the house of the person I stole it from.
They never noticed that it was missing, and I don't think I ever told them. That is a sort of game, and if one learns something from it - which I did - it is never to steal a penny from anyone again. And I'd thank you not to repeat it too closely, or I'll be arrested and sent to prison.
Swiss currency may be changed into sterling at any good bank. The current rate is approximately 2.33 Swiss francs to the pound. A small commission may be charged.
A `Le Pentole' frying pan may be purchased at David Mellor Kitchen Equipment, 4 Sloane Square, London SW1. Price pounds 63.80 (pounds 26 extra if you want the lid as well).
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