Gabrielle Union reflects on ‘trauma’ of husband Dwyane Wade having baby with another woman

Gabrielle Union has spoken candidly for the first time about the “trauma” of husband Dwyane Wade having a baby with another woman.

The actor discussed the experience, which she said left her “devastated”, in her new book ​You Got Anything Stronger?, where she also spoke of the couple’s surrogacy journey and the eventual arrival of their daughter Kaavia James Union-Wade in 2018.

In an excerpt of the book published by Time magazine, Union explained that, when Wade, 39, welcomed son Xavier Zechariah Wade in 2013 with Aja Metoyer when they were broken up, they were “not in a good place”.

“In 2013, before we were married, Dwyane had a baby with another woman. It should go without saying that we were not in a good place at the time that child was conceived,” Union recalled. “But we were doing much better when he finally told me about the pregnancy. To say I was devastated is to pick a word on a low shelf for convenience.”

Despite her devastation, the Bring It On star acknowledged that there have been countless people who have been upset with her decision not to talk about the birth of her husband’s son, with Union explaining that she had “not had words”.

“There are people – strangers I will never meet – who have been upset that I have not previously talked about that trauma. I have not had words, and even after untold amounts of therapy I am not sure I have them now,” she wrote.

In the emotional excerpt, Union, who revealed that she suffered “eight or nine” miscarriages, and who has previously been open about her adenomyosis diagnosis, then reflected on the pain she felt over her husband’s ability to have a child with another woman while she struggled over the decision of whether to try a drug Lupron that could increase her chances of carrying a child to 30 per cent, or surrogacy.

According to Union, Wade had encouraged her not to attempt the drug, with the actor recalling how the former NBA star had told her “You’ve done enough”.

However, rather than comfort her, Union said that her husband’s words had instead “sounded like an acknowledgment of failure”.

“Because at that point I would have sold my soul to get out of the endless cycle of loss. What was the going rate for souls? What was mine worth, anyway? The experience of Dwyane having a baby so easily - while I was unable to - left my soul not just broken into pieces, but shattered into fine dust scattering in the wind,” she wrote.

Union also recalled how her feelings about surrogacy were impacted by her feelings for her husband, with the actor explaining that she felt she “needed to let Dwyane go” if she wasn’t going to “submit to a surrogacy”.

“Even if he didn’t want to, I had to let him find someone who could give him what he wanted,” she wrote of her thoughts at the time.

While Union ultimately decided to stay with Wade, who she has been married to since 2014, both out of love, forgiveness, and “fear of public humiliation,” she admitted that she may not have made the same decision today.

However, according to Union, she also recognises the moment as a defining point in their relationship, which she noted likely played an impact in shaping her into the person she is today.

“But I loved him. Each day, he had worked to be forgiven, and I had chosen to do so. And part of this journey of making peace with our love is also making peace with ourselves. I had come to accept that without that awful collision in our lives - this Big Bang moment in our relationship that set our galaxy as we knew it - we wouldn’t have become the individuals we wanted to be,” she wrote. “The me of today would not have stayed with him, but would I be who I am now without that pain? I remember a small voice in my heart telling myself to leave, but my fear of public humiliation was so great that I didn’t take my own advice.”

The couple eventually pursued surrogacy, with Union recalling the moment they’d gotten the positive pregnancy test in March 2018, and the conflicted feelings of grief that she experienced during the first ultrasound.

Although Union had not spoken previously about the birth of her husband’s son, who is now seven, the basketball star previously described the moment he had to tell the actor about the pregnancy as the “hardest thing” he’s ever had to do during his ESPN documentary D Wade: Life Unexpected.

“Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is man up and tell Gabrielle Union that I’ve had a child with somebody else,” he said in the 2020 documentary. “I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t eating.”

However, he noted: “Me and Gab just went through something that you never want to go through and we still came out of it.”

In addition to Kaavia, two, and Xavier, seven, the couple are also parents to Zaire, 19, and Zaya, 13, Wade’s children from a previous marriage, and Dahveon, 19, the basketball star’s adopted nephew.