Man defended for telling his family he doesn’t want to attend their monthly dinners

A man has been defended online after revealing why he told his family he no longer wanted to attend their monthly dinners.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, a man explained that his family has cooked monthly dinners – which are “nicer ones than your average family dinner” – ever since he was a child. He noted that while his father used to host the monthly event, every member of the family now takes turns hosting to “lessen the burden.”

While the man’s wife was initially “excited to be a part” of the dinners, he was the one who did most of the cooking for the party. However, when she wanted to start cooking for monthly dinner, her husband’s family wasn’t thrilled about it.

“My family had seemingly got along with my wife before this point but they were overly harsh of her cooking (with the exception of my two younger siblings),” the Reddit user wrote. “She tried to make them happy but no dice. I told them they could be kinder. They said she should cook better or cook different things.”

He expressed that his wife “didn’t make anything” that his family didn’t typically eat, but they still didn’t enjoy her food. From there, she “grew frustrated” at the situation while her husband “grew suspicious.”

That’s when the man decided to host a monthly dinner and tell his family that he did the cooking, even though it was actually his wife, just to see their reaction. After recalling how his family would criticize his wife’s food – specifically her steak and potatoes, which other friends had “gone crazy” for – he revealed how his family responded to his plan.

“When my family thought I’d cooked it? They loved it. Said it was so good my wife had decided to let a real talent take over,” he continued. “That it was so nice to have something a little different (curry) and all this very lovely stuff.”

While his younger brother and sister were aware he didn’t cook the food, they still went along with the plan. When the Reddit user’s family learned that his wife actually made the food, they “tried so hard to backtrack on all the nice stuff” they said, resulting in an awkward meal. The man then decided that he didn’t want to take part in the monthly events.

“The rest of the dinner went in tense silence and my wife’s eyes were opened. I told her I was done with these dinners and she was my priority,” he added. “She felt a little bad. I told her we could have dinners with my younger brother and sister sometimes. It’s less stress anyway.”

When he and his wife skipped two family dinners in a row, his parents and siblings “started asking questions.” They also urged him to attend future monthly dinners, which he said he wouldn’t do. “I told them each time we weren’t going again but missing two made it sink in. They told me we need to be there. I said never again. My wife doesn’t deserve their disrespect,” he wrote. “I told them they ruined what they wanted by being a**holes to her.”

He explained that his family then accused him of “overreacting, making very relationship-harming choices, and treating them badly for simply having issues with [his] wife’s food.” His family also mentioned that he didn’t want their future children to miss out on these dinners, which was a comment that “got to [his] wife a little.”

The post has quickly gone viral, with more than 16,000 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people have defended the couple’s decision to skip the monthly dinners, claiming that it seems like the Reddit user’s family has bigger issues with his wife. They also praised the man for prioritizing his wife.

“It’s pretty clear the issue isn’t her food. It’s her. For whatever reason they don’t seem to like her.  Good for you for standing up to them,” one person wrote.

“The irony! They were the ones who made the ‘relationship harming choices,’” another Reddit user said. “When they were caught, they doubled down instead of apologizing and checking in on the why of their behavior, so they could grow and move past it. You did right by your wife and your family.”

“They don’t have a problem with her food, they have a problem with her. You are a very good husband sticking up for your wife and not putting up with that BS. They ruined it for everyone and now they get the consequences,” a third wrote. “Start a new tradition that includes showing love and respect for everyone, especially someone who cooks a meal for them. Only include the ones who are real.”

Other people gave their advice on how to handle the situation, urging the Reddit user to talk with his family about their treatment of his wife.

“You really need to have a conversation with your family on why they are mean to your wife. It is unlikely this behavior will change just because she stopped cooking (they will start criticizing something else about her),” one wrote. “Also, NO you DO NOT want your future children surrounded by people who criticize their mom for no reason. You don’t want them thinking it is OK for themselves to act like this, or for future partners to treat your children like this.”