How to tell if you’re emotionally intelligent

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise and manage both your emotions and the emotions of others.

According to Psychology Today, it can generally be broken down into three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.”

But is emotional intelligence a quality some people just have and others don’t? Or is it something we can learn?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is not like your IQ - the latter is fixed but the former is malleable. And in fact, it’s often people with distinctly average IQs that have the highest EQs.

Being emotionally intelligent is important for forming good relationships, be that in the workplace or your social life. It’s often the difference between acting in an acceptable manner and doing or saying something unreasonable.

So how can you tell if you’re emotionally intelligent? There are certain signs for which to look out.

Being self-aware is a sign of emotional intelligence, and this manifests itself in the ability to see your faults and accept when you’ve made a mistake. People with a high EQ make a note of the criticism, analyse what they’ve been told and learn from it.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t fear change - they’re flexible and always happy to adapt to new circumstances.

The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is a key sign of emotional intelligence. The same goes for being able to tell when a colleague or friend is stressed or upset is a skill.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just think about how they’re making others feel but also about how their reactions will affect others. It’s important to think things through and weigh up the pros and cons of a situation before reacting strongly.

Most emotionally intelligent people aren’t overly sensitive. This is because if you feel secure in yourself and know who you are, it’s hard to be offended by what people say.

Whether it’s a mistake you or your colleague has made, emotionally intelligent people don’t ruminate on it, they focus on the positive and move one.

Similarly, the ability to move on, forgive and forget is a sign of emotional intelligence. Letting go of a grudge makes you feel better, which is something emotionally intelligent people know.

Do you find yourself always asking more questions about people than most ask of you because you’re genuinely interested? If so, you may be more emotionally intelligent than most. Curiosity is highly linked to empathy.

Perhaps most importantly, however, emotionally intelligent people know they’re in control of their own happiness, and nothing anyone else can say will affect that.