Parents both call daughter something different because they couldn’t agree on baby name

A woman has asked strangers for their advice after revealing that her stepdaughter goes by two different names because of a difficult separation between her parents.

The woman, who goes by the username @feddupp177 on Reddit, posted about the predicament on the subreddit AITA (Am I The A**hole), where she wondered if she was in the wrong for refusing to use the name chosen by her fiancé and instead only referring to the three-year-old as the name used by the child’s mother.

“My fiancé has a daughter from a previous relationship. It was a very hostile one, and by the time his ex got pregnant, they were very much on the rocks,” the woman explained. “She named the child without my ex-fiancé’s input, naming her after her grandmother/herself and mother and using her last name. My fiancé was furious about this and wanted their child to have his last name and be named after his grandmother and a name he particularly liked.”

To give an example of the differences between the names, she gave the example of a child being referred to as Sarah Katherine Jones at her mother’s home and Samantha Elizabeth Smith at her father’s home, while noting that the child’s parents now share 50-50 custody.

“My fiancé and his family have decided that since she is now too old to go back to court on this again, the answer to this is for this child to have a ‘mom’s house’ name and a ‘dad’s house’ name,” she continued. “I think this is ridiculous, but they say that it’s not fair that her father had zero say in his own child’s name, and that it’s not much different than people who have a street name and a government name.”

According to the woman, she doesn’t want “any part in this,” before concluding the post by asking if she is in the wrong for continuing to “only call her by her ‘mom’s house’ name” and not supporting the idea.

The post has since been upvoted more than 7,000 times, with many agreeing with the OP [original poster’s] stance, while also encouraging her to consider the name issue a red flag in her own relationship.

“Your fiancé is a petty man. Personally, I would never have made it to engagement with such a person. This is what you have to look forward to when your relationship/marriage ends,” one person commented.

Another said: “This is all about his ego and has nothing to do about what is in the best interest of the child. OP - look VERY closely at what is going on here because you are getting a huge blessing in disguise.

“Your fiancé and his family are showing you that he 100 per cent expects to control major life decisions like the name of your future children with him and your input doesn’t matter. He is showing you who he is. Believe him before you waste another year with this man.”

Someone else added: “The only confusing thing here is the fact that OP wants to still marry this man and be part of his family. I hope she’s praying she never has to deal with a divorce or custody agreements with him.”

In regards to the logistics of the dilemma, other commenters explained the issues that can arise with such a situation, with another person revealing that they experienced something similar and now do not know how to introduce themselves.

“I have this problem. I have my ‘mum’s house’ name, my ‘dad’s house’ name, and my legal name. I also have my middle name which half of my family prefer to use. It gets really confusing and I’m still not always sure which name to refer to myself as when people ask,” they wrote.