Women reveal why they chose financial security over love

Women have revealed online why they chose financial security over love.

In a post shared to the AskWomen community on Reddit, one person asked women who have chosen financial security over love how their personal lives have turned out - and the outpouring of responses varied. Many women, primarily those in heterosexual relationships, noted that their choices were rooted in prioritising their wants and needs. Instead of being beholden to the choices of whomever they were dating, they could focus on the future they envisioned for themselves.

“I focused on my career after leaving an abusive ex,” one woman wrote. “After a few job hops, I finally hit six figures and could afford therapy and hobbies to better myself. I fell into the FIRE movement (financial independence/retire early) and finally felt financially ‘safe/confident’ to live a normal life and love myself. I fell in love with a normal guy and married.”

She added that having independent financial security enabled her to lead her life on her terms, rather than someone else’s.

“A man is not a plan,” she continued. “Anything else can hold you hostage. I’m sure there are exceptions, but be wary of financial abuse. Abusive relationships can come in many shapes and forms, including but not limited to financial, sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. Don’t ever let a man or anyone limit your freedom and hold you hostage. Always have a backup plan and pin money!”

Others noted that leaving was the best thing for them in the long run, even if it was heartbreaking at the moment. By learning how to be independent and provide for themselves, they found that they were more likely to attract a partner that aligned with what they truly wanted.

“I left a long-term relationship with less than $20 to my name after I paid the movers, rent, and deposit in my new place,” another woman commented. “My life started all over again. I was single for a while, and in that time I managed to pay off all of my student loans in a few years.”

She continued: “I was able to save some money. I was able to spoil myself and get a completely new wardrobe over time, including my shoes. I had money to pick up hobbies. I learned to be comfortable being single. It helped me become a full, happy person. Eventually, I met my current partner, and he added to my happiness. But I know if it ever doesn’t work out, not only am I going to do well, but I’m going to thrive. I already did it once. I can do it again.”

The majority of the women advised focusing on one’s education and career to attain financial and emotional independence from men. Following the age-old saying, “Choose yourself, and the rest will follow,” women stressed to their younger counterparts that prioritising overall self-improvement is the key to finding the life and love they want.

“I was in a situation last year where the only option to continue the relationship was to end ongoing long distance and move to the middle of nowhere with a boyfriend who was struggling financially,” someone admitted. “He had issues with debt, paying rent, and jumping into a failed business.”

She continued: “I made a good salary, was moving up in my career, and was very fiscally responsible. I ultimately decided not to move and ended the relationship. I didn’t see myself there, and as the relationship was serious, it ultimately would’ve meant carrying a lot of financial weight, which becomes harder with marriage and kids.”

According to a 2023 Credit Karma survey, around 32 per cent of millennials and Generation Zers have ended relationships over financial issues, with more than half of Gen Z and millennials reporting consistent arguments over finances with their partners. Research indicates that one in four Americans view money as the greatest challenge in their relationship, with many citing the subject as a frequent topic brought up during arguments.

Experts advise those who want to maintain their relationships amid frequent arguments over finances to take a step back from their situation and find a way to bridge the gap between the perspectives of both partners. By operating as a team, conflicts over something as important as finances can solved much more easily and efficiently.