People are conflicted over dad abandoning his daughter and grandchildren on vacation

Family vacations are a common tradition that continue no matter how old your children get. However, one father didn’t plan on inviting his daughter to a couples getaway with his wife.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, one man explained that he planned a special vacation for his and his wife’s 40th wedding anniversary for just the two of them. “Our adult daughter Jane and her husband got wind of our plans and promptly invited themselves and their two children along,” the father, who goes by u/Flat-Blueberry-4469 on Reddit, explained.

Although he told his daughter the vacation was just for them, his wife didn’t have the heart to tell Jane no. “My wife has a hard time saying no to Jane, as she is the youngest of our children and our only daughter, and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so she reluctantly agreed to let them join,” he wrote.

To accommodate his daughter’s children, he switched hotel plans to one that was “family friendly”. The only thing that Jane and her husband had to pay for was their airplane tickets, as the resort and her children’s airfare was covered by the grandfather.

As the trip was approaching, the father began questioning the entire vacation, considering a 40th anniversary is a special milestone and he wanted to celebrate it according to his original plan.

“So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for. I did not tell Jane or her husband. I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, which was a day before Jane’s flight left for their vacation,” he wrote.

He continued: “We called Jane after we landed to tell her and she was extremely upset to say the least. She seemed to think that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time and now that I abandoned her they would have to do it all themselves.”

Although his wife had enjoyed their private vacation more than she would have enjoyed the family vacation, she wanted her husband to apologise to Jane. “I’m not sure I want to after learning Jane and her husband were using us for free babysitting and a free trip but I feel like I should just to keep the peace,” he concluded his post.

People in the comments section were divided over who was in the wrong. Some people agreed with the father, blaming Jane for inviting herself on the vacation and expecting a babysitter out of it. “What part of the 40th anniversary trip did your daughter and son-in-law not understand? Oh, boo-freaking-hoo, they wanted to spend time alone and designated the grandparents to babysit on what should have been their special trip,” one commenter wrote.

Another commenter agreed, writing: “If I’m reading this right, you PAID for their all-inclusive holiday accommodation and flights for the kids - the daughter and SIL [son-in-law] only paid for the two adult flights - and they’re still not happy?”

Other commenters thought no one was right in the situation.

“Yes, you should have been firm initially, but you caved in. So then sneaking around and changing all the plans without telling your daughter - or even asking your wife - was absurd. Now everyone’s angry and upset,” one commenter explained.

One commenter explained their reasoning for why every person involved in the story was in the wrong.

“Jane and [her] husband suck the most for attempting to hijack your anniversary trip as a family get together in which they’d use you as free babysitting,” they began. “Your wife sucks for siding with Jane rather than standing up with you for the romantic couples vacation that you’d envisioned and desired.

“And, finally, you suck for telling everyone you were doing one thing and at the last minute unilaterally pulling the rug out from under them and not conferring with anyone - including your wife,” they said. “If the answer to Jane was ‘no’ that’s fine, but own it and say ‘no’ rather than pull a bait-and-switch trick at the last minute.”