‘I just want to hug her’: How it feels to see friends and family for the first time in 8 weeks

Jessica Ratty’s mum only lives five minutes away from her home in rural Cornwall, but for more than two months the close-knit family have been physically kept apart by the UK lockdown. The 36-year-old has been cooped up in a static caravan with her partner Ben and daughter, Lily, eight. The three of them working, living and homeschooling all in one room while they continue renovations on their derelict property next door, unable to go anywhere beyond their garden and relying on FaceTime to talk to family.

But from Wednesday, the government’s partial easing of the lockdown rules means people in England can now see one person from outside their household (as long as they maintain social distancing and stay outside). For Ratty it was perfect timing - her birthday is 13 May. “It’s so great, I get to see my mum this evening,” she tells The Independent. “Although I’m worried I’ll just want to hug her so it might end up being harder than not seeing her at all. It will be particularly tough for Lily.”

The family has planned a dinner of local lobster, to be eaten at a picnic bench in the garden, wrapped up in blankets. “The weather isn’t warm but I’m just going to soak up my mum being here, her aura, enjoy seeing her lovely face,” says Ratty. “Although she is a bit deaf so a socially distanced conversation is hard.” She is also worried the meeting won’t “live up to expectations” because they cannot get close, and frustrated that her dad, who has a history of cardiac problems, cannot join them - “I don’t understand the one person rule when they live in the same house, but we have followed the rules by the book so far.”

In Boris Johnson’s speech on Sunday 12 May, he laid out a roadmap for exiting lockdown: the first stage of which includes allowing people freedoms such as unlimited exercise, sunbathing or picnicking in the park, going to shops like garden centres and, crucially, seeing someone from outside your household, which has not been permitted since lockdown began on 23 March. But there was some initial confusion around the rule, including within the government itself.

On Monday, 24 hours after Mr Johnson’s speech, foreign secretary Dominic Raab said people could meet two others, only to later retract his statement saying you could see no one. The release of a 60-page document finally confirmed that people in England can see one person from another household. But those in Scotland, Wales and northern Ireland are still living under stricter lockdown rules with the devolved nation leaders choosing not to ease measures so soon.

For David Atkinson, 48, in Chester, the arrival of Wednesday’s new rules means he was able to have a socially distanced cup of tea with his elderly next door neighbour, Janet, who he has been buying newspapers and milk for during the lockdown. “Janet is in her eighties so let’s just say she hasn’t been going down to Aldi the last few weeks,” Atkinson jokes. The pair have been close since Atkinson’s mother, a friend of Janet’s, died several years ago.

“It was a little bit chilly outside but we sat in the garden (at a suitable social distance) and had a little chat for the first time in eight weeks. Previously I would have always popped round for a cup of tea but since the lockdown I’ve just been leaving the stuff on the doorstep for her,” he tells The Independent. “This morning we were able to sit on some little garden chairs and talk.

“It’s the most simple thing but the act of doing that brings some comfort and reassurance for her and makes me feel that loyalty to my mum and her friend,” he says. Atkinson says the experience of the coronavirus and lockdown has made him more aware about the role he plays in the community and the need to assist vulnerable people. “Making a very small gesture in life can actually mean a lot and maintaining that friendship is a really important thing to do.”

For James Luxford, 36, and their wife Lauren, 33, from Stratford-Upon-Avon, the chance to see their friend Elliot for a socially-distanced walk on Wednesday morning was enjoyable but also highlighted “a lot of what we’re missing”. Luxford says: “We chatted, saw some lambs in a field, and we saw a couple having a socially distanced date. It was all very uplifting.

“It felt like a huge relief but also familiar. I get the feeling that when all this is over it will be the same with family and other friends – this great burst of happiness.”

Others have found that being allowed to see friends again brings emotional relief after long periods spent alone - a quarter of adults reported lockdown is causing intense loneliness in a recent study by the Mental Health Foundation. Rachel Murray, in her mid-thirties, from London, has been alone in her flat since 16 March without any outside space. On Saturday she will go to meet her friend Shona, who has purchased a bike to cycle to her and meet up.

“When I first heard they were talking about lifting lockdown I began feeling more restless, it increased how much I missed my family and friends,” she says. Like many, Murray had been surviving using Zoom and video chat - she and Shona spoke every Saturday without fail throughout lockdown. “We have been leaning on each other for support so she is the first person I thought of to see. Thinking about it now feels surreal and slightly anxiety-inducing, but also wonderful.”

Angelica Malin, 29, who also lives alone in London and has been isolating since 23 March, says the chance to see a friend has been a great emotional respite after such a long period by herself. “I've found lockdown pretty tough mentally - especially the weekends - having not shared a meal with someone in weeks or had a hug,” she explains.

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“Initially I felt quite overwhelmed when they said the rules were changing - I suddenly felt pressure to start seeing people and making plans, but I’m taking it slow and reminding myself that social pressure isn't needed right now, and the less people we see, the safer [it is].”

On Thursday she will be seeing her best friend Gemma for a walk in a local cemetery. “We used to always go for long rambly walks there and talk about our lives, I've really missed that time together. I've found not seeing her during this time incredibly tough but we have both wanted to keep to the rules. I'm definitely going to cry seeing her. I'm crying just thinking about it.”

Like others who live in confined urban spaces, Malin says she is worried about maintaining social distancing if the area is busy. “I would feel more comfortable if they had some kind of system for going to the parks, like a door policy or staggered entry for different age groups. I'm worried it's going to be mayhem,” she says.

But overall Malin, like the others, is optimistic about what this new measure gives us back from our old pre-lockdown existence. “I think it will remind me that life existed before lockdown and slowly we'll start to get glimpses of our old life back.”

Whether the rules will be loosened further in the coming weeks, if at all for Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, will depend on the success of this first-stage trial; on the continued decline in the death toll and the ‘R’ rate dropping. It has even been suggested that by 1 June household groups in England could merge together to battle social isolation. When, or if, it will happen, is still unknown but what we do know is that, in future, time spent together should not be taken for granted.