Being Modern: Alt.Christmas

 

Simmy Richman
Saturday 17 December 2011 20:00 EST
Comments

Your support helps us to tell the story

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.

Your support makes all the difference.

As the forces of commerce gather for the fast-approaching festivities, we would do well to guard against another stain that has, of late, indelibly marked the spirit of the season: "alternative" takes on our cherished traditions.

It began in 1988 at the Tate Gallery. In one of Nicholas Serota's first moves as director, the sculptor Bill Woodrow was commissioned to decorate the gallery's Christmas tree with cardboard. This year, visitors will be greeted by the work of Giorgio Sadotti. Sadotti, though, has "resisted the tradition of decorating the tree". Hmm. So what magical form does his unspruced spruce take? "By presenting it 'undressed', Sadotti asks us to contemplate the tree's true beauty." Which is surely just a less clever take on Quentin Crisp's "What have you got against bare walls?" in reply to a reporter who asked him what he'd got against art.

Talking of Crisp, the next alt take on a hallowed Christmas custom came in 1993 when Channel 4 aired its first Alternative Queen's Speech courtesy of said wit. It was brilliant, of course, but we've since been subjected to slightly less resounding offerings from Sharon Osbourne, Ali G and Jamie Oliver.

And now we have the annual sport that is trying to stop the X Factor winner from getting to number one (see this year's campaign for Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"), which felt relevant when it started but has quickly become as alternative as a can of pink hairspray.

Now, this column could not be more in favour of selectively sprinkling the secular into this time of year. We accept that, for many, the break from work and the chance to drink from dawn to dusk is as crucial to proceedings as the wise offerings of the man whose birthday we are supposed to be celebrating.

But there are times when a crap Cliff song hits the mark in a way Rage Against the Machine never can. The Queen, god bless her, doesn't demand our ear much these days, while tatty tinsel and cheap baubles possess a wonder of their own. And don't even get us started on the abomination that is the alt.appellation of "Crimbo"...

Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in