Christmas Quiz

Month by month

January: The Labour Party got itself into a lather over Harriet Harman's decision to send her son to a grammar school. What was the name of the school?

February: Publication of the Scott Report into the sale of arms to Iraq. Which minister in particular did Scott accuse of "sophistry"?

March: The month of Dunblane and BSE. Also one of the biggest sporting upsets in history when Kenya beat the West Indies at cricket in the World Cup. But which team won the Cup?

April: What came to an end at 10.34am on 18 April after 10 years?

May: "We cannot continue business as usual within Europe," declared John Major. Which three specific products led to this outburst?

June: Boris Yeltsin took a narrow lead in the first round of the Russian presidential election. What was the name of the runner-up, whom he had to meet in the run-off?

July: Football came home, then went back to Germany. But whom did the Germans defeat in the final of Euro '96?

August: There were tube and postal strikes in London; Peter Lilley encouraged the denunciation of dole- cheats by rhyming rip-off with tip-off, and a woman aborted one of a pair of healthy twins. But what's the name of the woman who refused to abort any of her octuplets?

September: A violent month as the US attacks Iraq with cruise missiles, battles rage in Israel over a tunnel near the tomb of Joseph, and the Taliban take over in Afghanistan. More happily, we finally learned the first name of Inspector Morse. What was it?

October: The Sun falls for a fake tape: it's not Princess Diana cavorting in her undies with James Hewitt. A true story, however, featured a man called Toby Graham. Who is he?

November: Clinton secures a second term in office; Yeltsin survives surgery. But there is a fire in the Channel Tunnel; and the world's worst mid-air collision - over which country?

December: It's not over yet, but who was once described as wet, then announced he was dry, but is now out?

World protests

In picture a), above, a demonstrator dives into a phalanx of Hong Kong riot police trying to clear a pro-Taiwanese enclave. What is the date and time of Hong Kong's transference of power to communist China next year?

b) The Grim Reaper is protesting road-building near what town?

c) The BSE/Creutzfeldt-Jakob debate: Cows herded by French breeders demonstrating against British beef imports. But is, or are, Creutzfeldt-Jakob two people or one? And where did he or they come from?

d) Greenpeace campaigning at Billingsgate Market against over-fishing in the North Sea. But what are they specifically protesting about?

politics

Quotes of the Year

"New Labour, New Danger" must be the most memorable line of the year, but who said the following. Match the quotes to the names given at the end:

1. I have no reason to resign, because Sir Richard Scott has cleared my name and my honour, and that's the central thing.

2. I didn't expect to win tonight. I am absolutely delighted, I am over the moon, and quite astonished.

3. If Tony Blair is a One-Nation Tory, then I am a monkey's uncle.

4. I'd had girlfriends from the day when I first discovered what you could do in the back row of a cinema.

5. It's difficult to swim in hydrochloric acid with your legs chopped off.

6. Politicians are the most despicable human sub-species I have come across in a long and varied life.

7. If people think my brain doesn't work, only my mouth, then they make a mistake.

8. Dealing with Margaret Thatcher was like taking alternate hot and cold baths.

9. We made it count in 1966. Let's hope that the 30-year wait is over and that football comes home in glory this summer.

10. I am guilty of constantly backtracking, vacillating and losing my nerve.

a) Steven Norris

b) Norman Lamont

c) Sir James Goldsmith

d) John Prescott

e) Kenneth Clarke

f) John Major

g) Alexander Lebed

h) William Waldegrave

i) Lord Runcie

j) Helmut Kohl

People

The Bishop of Argyll fell in love, resigned and sold his story to the Sunday papers; the Duchess of York told her story to the world - and had it told for her by a Greek mystic; a 12-year-old boy took his case to the European court to end his parents' right to administer corporal punishment, and Lisa Marshall, a Glasgow psychologist, said that politicians have the characteristics of psychopaths without the criminal intent.

Here are some of the other politicians, non-criminals and others who have been in the news:

1. Sir Christopher Bland took over as what?

2. Trevor Nunn was named as the new director of the National Theatre. Replacing whom?

3. Ian and Kevin Maxwell were acquitted on various charges of financial irregularity. What was the name of the third defendant?

4. Bill Clinton, above, won the Presidential election with Al Gore. But who was Bob Dole's running mate?

5. Which celebrated marriage came to an end after 38 years?

6. Who became prime minister of Australia?

7. Which politician broke his foot when running for a plane to take him from Strasbourg to Florence?

8. Which popular comedy actor became Rector of Glasgow University?

9. Whose autobiography was entitled "My Name Escapes Me"?

10. Who said to her son: "Why didn't you just belt it?"

11. Which Conservative MP switched to the Liberal Democrats?

12. Whose father, describing his first public appearance, said: "the dance ended only when his nappy dropped to his ankles"?

Winners and Losers

Damon Hill won the Formula One world motor-racing championship, then lost his place in the Williams team. Frank Bruno lost his world boxing crown to Mike Tyson, who promptly lost it to Evander Holyfield. The lads almost done brilliant in Euro '96. And the English cricket team mostly just lost.

1. Identify the Olympic Games competitors in the pictures, right: a) hands b) head and torso c) foot

2. How many events in Atlanta did Britain win?

3. Who knocked Tim Henman out of Wimbledon?

4. What did Wislawa Szymborska win?

5. Who won the women's London Marathon?

6. What was the name of the IBM computer program that won a game of chess against Garry Kasparov?

7. Who won the Whitbread Novel Award at the start of the year, and for what book?

8. Who were (or weren't) Scotland's opponents in a football match lasting three seconds?

9. Who was voted "Britain's sexiest politician", ahead of Paddy Ashdown and Tony Blair, in a NOP survey?

10. Which horse and jockey won the Grand National?

Where in the world

India held the world's first congress on Auto-urine Therapy, and Ecuador became the first country to employ mimes to ridicule jay-walkers they haul off the streets. But in which countries did the following take place? Put the answers, listed at the end, in the correct order.

1. A campaign was instituted called "Our Social Habits Reflect Our Progress Towards a Gracious Society", which included fines of $150 for anyone caught leaving a public lavatory unflushed.

2. They decided to change their currency from "karbovantsy" to the more euphonious "hryvna".

3. Refugees from here sailed away from its burning capital singing the national anthem, "Lone Star Forever".

4. Dozens of Catholics renounced their baptism in a communist-led protest against a visit by the Pope.

5. Demands were made for a law prohibiting visiting foreign officials from crossing their legs at meetings.

6. Its capital city held a Toilet Construction Exhibition in the main square to prove that they care about toilets.

7. Inhabitants of one village staged a Pee Outdoors Day in a symbolic environmental protest.

8. The venue for the first Christian Nudist Conference.

9. Where a provincial governor warned men off nappy-washing and cooking as chores that had taken many along the road to divorce.

10. Witch doctors from this country cast a spell to send a rival soccer team to sleep during a World Cup qualifier.

a) Ukraine b) France c) Zimbabwe d) Sweden e) Singapore f) Peru g) China h) United States i) Liberia j) Kuwait

Headliners

This may be remembered as the year of "TV WEATHER MAN CHEATS ON WIFE WITH A REDHEAD" (News of the World) and "SEX SWAP FOR QUEEN MOTHER'S SURGEON", but can you match the missing words in the following with the list provided:

1. Top Irish Judges in --- sensation (Sunday Mirror).

2. OJ Simpson --- over British TV appearance (Sunday Mirror).

3. Camilla and Charles in --- (News of the World).

4. Soccer stars in --- shame (News of the World).

5. Minister's --- with divorcee (News of the World)

6. Sizzler in fireman's --- (Sun)

7. Di tells queen, I'll call off --- (Sun)

8. Speaker calls for --- investigation. (Times)

a) cash scandal

b) sex-swap

c) drugs and sex orgy

d) bondage romp

e) love show

f) sex video

g) sleaze

h) divorce

Numbers

Scientists recalculated Hubble's constant - a measure of the speed with which the Universe is expanding - and were somewhat embarrassed to find that this particular answer to Life, the Universe and Everything was 42. But what are the answers to these ones:

1. How many millions in the biggest double-rollover lottery jackpot?

a) 33 b) 38 c) 45 d) 42

2. How many days did Fergie and Andrew spend together on average in each of their first five years of marriage?

a) 250 b) 150 c) 68 d) 42

3. What's the life expectancy of someone living rough on the streets? a) 62 b) 52 c) 47 d) 42

4. What was the number of the bus blown up in Aldwych by an IRA bomb that went off by mistake? a) 1 b) 17 c) 171 d) 42

5. How many heart bypasses did Boris Yeltsin have? a) 3 b) 4 c) 5 d) 42

6. How many medals did Britain win at Atlanta? a) 10 b) 15 c) 20 d) 25 e) 42

7. How many defects did the National Audit Office find in the building of the National Library? a) 230,000 b) 23,000 c) 2,342 d) 42

8. In September, a Cray Super-computer in America discovered the largest- known prime number. How many digits did the number have? a) 378,632 b) 78,632 c) 8,632 d) 632 e) 42

9. Art collector Sir Denis Mahon bequeathed his collection of paintings to the nation on condition that the government behaves "in a civilised way" towards the arts. How many million dollars have the paintings been estimated to be worth? a) 142 b) 12 c) 84 d) 42

10. Marjorie Proops died this year. How many years had she been writing as an agony aunt? a) 24 b) 32 c) 52 d) 42

In Memoriam

In the obituary columns we read of those who had lived full lives - such as George Burns, who reached his century, and Francois Mitterand - and those who departed far too young - such as Simon Cadell, Terence Donovan, Tim Gullikson and Matthew Harding. But who were the following who died in 1996?

1. His real name was Herbert Khaury and he tiptoed thru' the tulips.

2. Her real name was Mary Leta Dorothy Slaton, and she accompanied Bing Crosby on the Roads to Singapore, Zanzibar, Morocco and elsewhere.

3. He could have been US president if Richard Nixon had been impeached a year earlier.

4. The third Dr Who.

5. One of three famous sisters, she wrote "The American Way of Death".

6. Africa's last Emperor.

7. She was "Beyond Category" as a jazz singer.

8. Horsewoman whose first volume of autobiography was called "Jump for Joy".

9. The first Mrs Miniver.

10. He could be called the original member of the jet set.

11. A half-Peruvian goon.

12. She created Mary Poppins.

Relative values

The British Library was finished at an estimated cost of around pounds 500m, which was much the same as the cost of the Ariane 5 rocket which had to be blown up shortly after launch - and it wasn't insured. Compared with those, the following price tags look cheap, but can you match items to prices?

1. 43 years copyright of Enid Blyton works.

2. Donald Bradman's cricket bat.

3. Feudal title "Lord of Wimbledon"

4. Two black leatherette bikinis worn by Bond girls in the 1983 film Octopussy.

5. JFK's rocking chair

6. Jackie Kennedy-Onassis's ring

7. A newly-discovered Mozart soprano aria lasting 59 seconds.

8. The Treskilling Yellow - a Swedish postage stamp (used)

9. Alan Shearer

10. Brian Johnston's MCC tie

a) pounds 13m

b) pounds 862

c) pounds 87,300

d) pounds 293,000

e) pounds 15m

f) pounds 188,000

g) pounds 510

h) pounds 23,000

i) pounds 1.5m

j) pounds 1.7m

Miscellaneous

1. Who said her sons were nice, thoughtful boys, never involved in crime?

2. What's the connection between the Battle Hymn of the American Republic and Israeli reprisals against Lebanon?

3. Which two Oscar winners took a long ride in a taxi?

4. The Church of Scotland dropped a number of hymns from its services, including "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" and "Jerusalem". The first was considered sexist - what was wrong with "Jerusalem"?

5. Which film star was featured on stamps issued by Gambia, Ghana, Uganda, St Vincent and Grenada, the first time anyone outside the British royal family has been commemorated by multiple countries?

6. What reason was given for the decision by Radio One not to play the new Beatles song, "Real Love"?

7. A beast called Abigail won the first pet show for her species, held in Cheshire. What species?

8.What did junior food minister Tim Boswell do 13 times in two minutes to win a fund-raising contest in November?

9. What was the title of the first book put on a shelf of the new British Library?

10. Who had reason to be thankful for his wife's "obvious distress"?

11. Why did the newly-crowned Miss South Africa arouse criticism from animal welfare groups?

12. Two Finnish academics paid tribute to a dead pop singer by translating his songs into Latin. Who was the singer, and which of his songs became "Taddeus Ursus"? William Hartston

Literary quiz There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This is one of them. [1] Now this is the law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky [2]: all happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way [3] (and) it is the fate of those who toil at the lower employments of life, to be rather driven by the fear of evil, than attracted by the prospect of good. [4]

I returned from the city about three o'clock on that May afternoon pretty well disgusted with life. [5] I could feel the heat closing in, feel them out there making their moves, setting up their devil doll stool pigeons, crooning over my spoon and dropper. [6] The mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved ... the ones who never yawn and say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. [7] They sprawled along the counter and on the chairs. Another night. Another drag of a night in the Greeks, a beat-up all-night diner near the Brooklyn Army base. [8] Sam Vettori sat staring down into Haistead Street. He was a big man, fat as a hog, with a dark, oily complexion, kinky black hair and a fat acquiline face. [9] (Meanwhile) Amerigo Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number 3 and waited for justice; vengeance on the men who had so cruelly hurt his daughter, who had tried to dishonour her.

[10]

Jackie Brown, at 26, with no expression on his face, said that he could probably get some guns. [11] "Guns ... or butter?" [12] Hey, we got the guns, but they got the numbers. [13] There was nothing in that for me, and I let it slide past my left shoulder. [14] "Only two things are worth having," (I said) "money which you have not had the trouble of earning, and irresponsibility." [15] "(So) What do you want if you don't want money?" [16] "Money can't buy me love." [17] "(But) what better proof of love can there be than money? A 10-shilling note shows incontrovertibly just how mad about you a man is." [18] "If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom he gives it." [19] He looked something between a youngish centenarian and a nonagenarian who has seen a good deal of trouble. [20] He smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled up on the floor. [21] "Time, time, time is on my side," he announced. [22]

"The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon," [23] I replied. "Look here upon this picture and on this. [24] This is my rifle, this is my gun." [25] "(And) this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off. You've got to ask yourself one question - do I feel lucky?" [26] "We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? [27] So gentlemen (he said), in the little moment that remains to us between the crisis and the catastrophe, we may well drink a glass of champagne." [28] "Well, give me champagne, I won't complain, if that's the best you can do. But if you've got class, fill my glass with [29] a beaker of the warm South, full of the true the blushful Hippocrene." [30]

"(Sorry) It's a naive, domestic burgundy, without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption." [31] "(Forget it), alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off." [32] "OK, so let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini." [33] "(Why not?) Actually, could you make that a double?" [34] "Lady, I don't have the time. [35] If I send you over I'll be sorry as hell - I'll have some rotten nights - but that'll pass." [36]

This is the way the world ends: not with a bang but with a whimper. [37] The rest is silence. [38]

PC Poetry Translate these well-known verses

1 - When the sun-person resident in the high-ground areas of the over- exploited nations interfaces with a socially misaligned patriarchal non-human being, he intensifies their verbal communication volume to oppress the patriarchal nonhuman being. However, a matriarchal non-human facing such negative attention-getting renders the emergent person nonviable. Because a womyn maximises self-empowerment in relation to the supporters of an ego-testicle worldview.

2 - Those who volunteer for the unpaid work of the social reproduction of the labour force impact negatively on pre- males and pre-women. This violation of personal integrity is non-purposive, but undeniable. These birthpersons pass on a wide-spectrum sample of heritable gender-, class- and race-discretionary value-functions. Then upgrade one's internal oppression with unique person- specific enhancements.

Odd One Out

1 a) a honey cart, b) a passion wagon, c) a diesel, d) a blood box, e) a woodie

2 a) vapourware, b) software, c) freeware, d) wetware, e) crippleware

3 a) feel froggy, b) feel good, c) feel right royal, d) feel funny, e) feel no pain.

4 a) tickled, b) sore, c) hot, d) hacked, e) crooked

5 a) take the hot squat, b) eat a vegetable breakfast, c) kick the clouds, d) do the Paddington frisk, e) dance the blanket hornpipe

6 a) bean, b) crumpet, c) fruit, d) loaf, e) swede,

7 a) Covent Garden nun, b) Fleet Street dove, c) Winchester goose, d) Fulham Virgin, e) St John's Wood vestal

8 a) hold your water, b) hold your potato, c) hold your hind leg

d) hold your horses, e) hold the phone

9 a) Jesus of Nazareth, b) Sir Isaac Newton, c) Anwar el-Sadat, d) Dame Rebecca West, e) Humphrey Bogart, f) Lew Grade

Definitions

Some of the following definitions appear in dictionaries, some are the product of a crisp one-liner or bon mot. What is missing, however, is the subject of the sentence.

1 "Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."

2 "A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others."

3 "The theory that the common people know what they want - and deserve to get it good and hard."

4 "Eating pate de fois to the sound of trumpets."

5 "The only sport in the world where two guys get paid for doing something they'd be arrested for if they got drunk and did it for nothing."

6 "The diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men."

7 "A series of catastrophes which result in a victory."

8 "The girl's prison and the woman's workhouse."

9 "Home of all social evils, a charitable institution for indolent women, a prison workshop for the slaving breadwinner and a hell for children."

10 "A dirty trick played on us to achieve the continuation of the species."

Who Said of Whom: Nasty Insults

1 "A chapped office boy on a high stool, with a cold in his head."

2 "The guy in a science-fiction movie who is the first to see the Creature."

3 "A man from nowhere, going nowhere, heading for a well-merited obscurity as fast as his mediocre talents can carry him."

4 "The greatest villain that ever lived, a man worse than Hitler or Stalin. "

5 "A destructive little chancer emotionally located in the foothills of adolescence."

6 "A little boy sucking his misogynist thumb and blubbing and carping in the corner."

7 "The last bit of methane left in the intestine of the dead cow that is post-modernism."

8 "Half-bovine and half-sheeplike, he stares out of the screen in such a way as to leave us all uncertain whether he wants to cut our throats or lick our boots."

Famous First Lines

1 "The truth is, if old Major Dover hadn't dropped dead at Taunton races Jim would have never come to Thursgood's at all."

2 "This book is largely concerned with Hobbits."

3 "Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it seriously."

4 Waked this morning out of my sleep on a sudden I did with my elbow hit my wife a great blow over her face and nose which waked her with pain at which I was sorry."

5 "It was clearly going to be a bad crossing."

6 "'I've read many books,' said Professor Mephesto, with an odd finality, wearily flattening his hands on the podium, addressing the 76 sophomores who sat in easy reverence, immortalising his every phrase with their pads and pens ... 'many books'."

Famous Last Words

1 "Bugger Bognor."

2 "I could do with one of Bellamy's veal pies."

3 "I have no need of your goddamned sympathy. I only wish to be entertained by some of your grosser reminiscences."

4 "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist ... "

5 "Are you sure it's safe?"

6 "Keep Paddy behind the big mixer."

7 "Now, nobody will ever understand me." Jonathon Green

Identify the facial parts of the Britons in these composite pictures. Each picture is made up of three features: a) hair b) nose and eyes c) mouth and chin

Film: a) He also owns a restaurant or two

b) A disparate man c) That dress!

Pop: a) An expensive divorce - his second

b) He's a rebel c) She's eternal

TV: a) His father was also an actor

b) He's always in charge c) On her hols

Politics: a)Losing it - but probably not the election

b)Clean-up woman c)Have those teeth been fixed?

Quiz answers

Month by Month

Jan: St Olave's; Feb: William Waldegrave; Mar: Sri Lanka; Apr: The Yorks' marriage; May: Tallow, Gelatin and Semen; Jun: Gennady Zyuganov; Jul: The Czech Republic; Aug: Mandy Allwood; Sep: Endeavour; Oct: Clare Short's long-lost son; Nov: India; Dec: Sir Nicholas Scott.

World protests

Answers: a) midnight, June 30, 1997 b) Newbury c) H G Creutzfeldt (1885-1964) and A Jakob (1884-1931) were two German physicians. d) The hoovering-up of sand eels eaten by puffins

Quotes of the Year

1h, 2b (on being adopted by Harrogate constituency), 3e, 4i, 5g, 6c, 7d, 8j, 9f, 10a.

People

1. Director General of the BBC; 2. Richard Eyre; 3. Larry Trachtenberg; 4. Jack Kemp; 5. The Mandelas; 6. John Howard; 7. John Prescott; 8. Richard Wilson 9. Sir Alec Guinness 10. Barbara Southgate, mother of Gareth; 11. Emma Nicholson; 12. Tony Blair's father, Leo.

Street fighting men

a) National Patriotic Front of Liberia b) The FNLC c) Hezbollah d) The Irish National Liberation Army

Page13:

Celebrations... commiserations a) Alan Shearer b) Iran

Winners and Losers

1. a) Gail Devers b) Long jump finalist Mike Powell c) Michael Johnson, winner 200 and 400 metres 2. One 3. Todd Martin 4. The Nobel Prize for Literature 5. Liz McCoghlan 6. Deep Blue 7. Salman Rushdie, The Moor's Last Sigh 8. Estonia 9. Peter Mandelson 10. Mick Fitzgerald on Rough Quest.

Where in the World

1e, 2a, 3i, 4b, 5j, 6g, 7d, 8h, 9c, 10f.

Headliners

1b, 2a, 3e, 4c, 5d, 6f, 7h, 8g.

Numbers

1d, 2d, 3d, 4c, 5c, 6b, 7a, 8a, 9d, 10d.

Page 15

French leave: Francois Mitterrand, president of France, died on 8 January this year. Anniversary: The bikini, named after an atoll, which celebrated 50 years in 1996

In Memoriam

1. Tiny Tim 2. Dorothy Lamour 3. Spiro Agnew 4. Jon Pertwee 5. Jessica Mitford 6. Jean-Bedel Bokassa 7. Ella Fitzgerald (Duke Ellington wrote "Beyond Category" in her honour) 8. Pat Smythe 9. Greer Garson 10. Frank Whittle (inventor of the jet engine) 11. Michael Bentine 12. P L Travers.

Relative Values

1a, 2h, 3f, 4b, 5d, 6j, 7c, 8i, 9e, 10g.

Miscellaneous

1. Mrs Gallagher, mother of Liam and Noel 2. "Grapes of Wrath" - a phrase from the hymn - was the name of the Israeli operation 3. Wallace and Gromit were left in a Yellow Cab in New York 4. Because no-one knows what it means 5. Sylvester Stallone 6. It was deemed "not of sufficient merit" 7. Pig 8. Dunk and eat biscuits 9. The Oxford Book of English Traditional Verse 10. Kevin Maxwell 11. On winning, she sacrificed a goat to thank the spirits of her ancestors 12. Elvis Presley's "(I wanna be your) Teddy Bear".

Page 17 Disaster pictures: Lijiang, China

Page 18 Identikits

Film a) Michael Caine b) Daniel Day-Lewis c) Liz Hurley

Pop a) Phil Collins b) Liam Gallagher c) Louise

TV a) Martin Clunes b) Bruce Forysth c) Jill Dando

Politics a) Tony Blair b) Virginia Bottomley

c) John Major

Literary Quiz Answers

1The Naked City, 1948

2 Kipling, 2nd Jungle Book

3 Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

4 Samuel Johnson, A Dictionary of the English Language

5 John Buchan, The Thirty-Nine Steps

6 William Burroughs, The Naked Lunch

7 Jack Kerouac, On the Road

8 Hubert Selby Jr, Last Exit to Brooklyn

9 WR Burnett, Little Caesar

10 Mario Puzo, The Godfather

11 George V Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle

12 Hermann Goering

13 The Doors, "Break On Through"

14 Raymond Chandler

15 Cyril Connolly, Journal and Memoir

16 Adam Faith, song title

17 The Beatles, "Can't Buy me Love"

18 Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant

19 Maurice Baring

20 PG Wodehouse, The Man with Two Left Feet

21 Bret Harte, The Society Upon The Stanislaus

22 Rolling Stones, "Time Is On My Side"

23 Macbeth

24 Hamlet

25 Military slogan

26 Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry

27 Jean Cocteau

28 Paul Claudel, 1931, toasting the incipient Depression

29 Tom T Hall, "Oklahoma Home Brew"

30 John Keats, "Ode to a Nightingale"

31 James Thurber cartoon in New Yorker

32 Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye

33 Robert Benchley

34 Murderer Neville Heath, offered a whisky on the gallows

35 Lee Marvin to Angie Dickinson in The Killers

36 Dashiell Hammett, The Maltese Falcon

37 TS Eliot, The Hollow Men

38 Hamlet

PC Poetry translated

1 When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride, he shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside. But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail, for the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

2 They fuck you up your mum and dad, they may not mean to but they do. They give you all the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you

Odd One Out

1 a, b, d, e are vehicles (a mobile sewer, a van devoted to sexual conquest, an ambulance, a surfer's wood-bedecked station wagon); c is a lesbian (or prison tea)

2 a, b, c, e are forms of computer program; d means the human brain

3 all mean drunk except a, which to US blacks means feeling like a fight

4 all mean angry bar a, which means the opposite

5 a to c, be hanged; e, have sex

6 all mean head except c, which means a gay man, or did pre-PC

7 all whores except c, which is venereal disease; the reference is to Southwark, English sex centre of the 16th century and part of the diocese of Winchester

8 all mean wait a minute or calm down except c, a 19th century term meaning to act as best man, referring to the holding of a horse's hind leg to steady it during mating

9 all born on Christmas Day except Jesus, who was born on 4 December, and not even in the year 0 but in 6BC

Definitions

1 An alcoholic (Dylan Thomas)

2 A Conservative (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1903)

3 Democracy (HL Mencken, Sententiae, 1916)

4 Heaven (Sidney Smith)

5 Boxing (screenplay for Champion (1949) by Carl Foreman)

6 Politics (George Jean Nathan, US critic)

7 War (Georges Clemenceau, 1917)

8 Home (George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionists, 1903)

9 The family (August Strindberg, The Son of a Servant, 1886)

10 Love (Somerset Maugham, A Writer's Notebook, 1949)

Who Said of Whom

1 Virginia Woolf on TS Eliot

2 David Frye, US journalist, on ex-President Gerald Ford

3 Paul Johnson, journalist, on John Major

4 Telly Savalas, Kojak, on Sigmund Freud

5 Edward Pearce, journalist, on Princess Diana

6 Nicholas Fairbairn, MP, on Edward Heath

7 Robert Hughes, Australian art critic, on Jeff Koons

8 Peregrine Worsthorne, journalist, on ex-Sunday Times editor Andrew Neil

Famous First Lines

1 John Le Carre, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

2JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

3 DH Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover

4 Samuel Pepys, Diary, 1 January 1661 (the first entry)

5 Evelyn Waugh, Vile Bodies

6 Terry Southern & Mason Hoffenberg, Candy

Famous Last Words

1 George V (rather than the official "How is

the Empire?")

2 William Pitt the Younger (rather than the official "My country, oh my country")

3Alexander Woollcott, US journalist

and broadcaster]

4 General Sedgewick (peering foolishly out of a trench during the Battle of Spotsylvania)

5 William Palmer ("Palmer the Poisoner") - hanged for murder in 1856 - as he stepped onto the gallows

6 Sir Alfred McAlpine, building tycoon

7 Georg Friedrich Hegel, German philosopher, died 18.