The 50 worst Christmas cracker jokes
'What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!' among most embarrassing jokes, according to new survey
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.“Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!” is the most annoying Christmas cracker joke, a new survey claims.
A poll of 2,000 British people found that one in five chose this joke as the worst they had ever found in a cracker.
It was followed by “What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!” and “What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? NEIGH-bours!”.
Other embarrassing Christmas cracker jokes that make the list include “What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis”, “Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley” and “Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.”
However, three-quarters of the survey's respondents said they still enjoyed reading out the jokes from crackers over Christmas dinner.
The study was commissioned by electrical retailer Currys PC World as part of its Christmas campaign.
The company has teamed up with British stand-up comedian, Gary Delaney, to "upgrade" some of the worst Christmas cracker jokes.
The new jokes include: “Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A sensible turkey,” “What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Loads of presents, then a bill,” and “What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Mane of thrones? Pony Foals and Horses? Strictly Come Prancing?”
Gary Delaney, said: “We all know that traditional Christmas cracker jokes are weaker than your Nan’s Wi-fi password.
“As Currys PC World is upgrading Christmas this year, I’ve been pulled in to help change all that. I’m hoping my joke upgrades will have Brits crack-ing up across the country on Christmas Day.”
The survey also found more than a third of British people "secretly love" the tradition of Christmas cracker jokes, along with cheesy Christmas jumpers, carols and Christmas music.
Almost eight in 10 of respondents said they pull crackers at Christmas because it’s in keeping with tradition.
However, six in 10 said they have been left feeling disappointed by a Christmas cracker joke, with half of those polled believing there is room for improvement.
Almost one in five said they only laugh "out of politeness" when they hear a Christmas cracker joke.
The research, carried out via OnePoll.com, also found that the average British person will pull four crackers each this Christmas period.
Top 50 worst Christmas cracker jokes:
1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
2, What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots?”
17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
24. What do you sing a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? “I don't like sprouts!”
30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
31. Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
32. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
33. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
34. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
35. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
36. Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
37. What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
38. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
39. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
40. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
41. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
42. How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
43. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
44. Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? Their days are numbered
45. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
46. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
47. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
48. When do vampires like horse racing? When it's neck and neck
49. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook
50. What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs.
SWNS
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments