Billie Lourd opens up about her ‘deeper appreciation’ of life eight years after mother Carrie Fisher’s death

Billie Lourd shared an emotional tribute to her late mother Carrie Fisher eight years after her death.

The 32-year-old actor shared on Instagram Friday (December 27) a throwback picture of her and Fisher, who died in 2016 at the age of 60. The snap showed Lourd as a child with her mother, the pair appearing to be on a tropical vacation.

In the caption, she acknowledged how it’d been eight years since her mother passed and how she “always dreads” the anniversary of the Star Wars actor’s death.

“I spend so much time leading up to it thinking about how awful I’m going to feel. And my dread is usually right. I woke up this morning with a dark cloud over me,” the mother of two wrote. “But when my kids woke up the dark cloud dissipated and made way for bright glowing sunshine.”

The Ticket to Paradise star went on to describe the anniversary of her mother’s death as “an emotional tropical storm.”

“It pours rain a lot of the day but between the storms the light is more beautiful than on any day without storm clouds,” Lourd continued. “There are no rainbows without rain.”

The lengthy caption then included a quote from novelist Anne Lamott about grief and how it is similar to “having a broken leg that never heals perfectly.” Meaning, that feelings of grief still hurt but “you learn to dance with the limp.”

“Yes the grief weather is cold and yes I may have a limp but I am absolutely dancing through life (oops I quoted wicked?),” she added, referring to the title of a tune from the recently released Jon M Chu Wicked movie. “And I am actually a better dancer with my limp. My grief has given me a deeper appreciation for all the little moments of life.”

She then described herself as “griefy but grateful,” noting that Fisher is a part of the “magic” in her grandchildren – Kingston, three, and Jackson, one –  who Lourd shares with her husband, Austen Rydell.

“The grief. The joy. The longing. The magic. The emptiness,” the Scream Queens alum concluded. “The fullness. And it all coexists in a profound way. Sending my love to everyone out there who needs it.”

Fisher died on December 27, 2016, four days after suffering a heart attack on a flight from London to Los Angeles. Only one day later, Fisher’s mother, legendary actor Debbie Reynolds, died at age 84 after experiencing a stroke.

In October, Lourd also paid tribute to her mother on Instagram on what would have been her 68th birthday.

“Dead person birthdays are weird to say the least,” she wrote. “On my mom’s birthday every year, I try to celebrate her as much as possible, but today I really wanted to celebrate her with her. Some years my grief makes me feel the warmth of her love, some years it makes me angry, some years I feel numb but today when I woke up I just felt sad.”

Lourd, who has a role in the upcoming Pamela Anderson movie The Last Showgirl, went on to note that her grief inspired her to search out statistics related to premature death.

“I didn’t want to celebrate, I just wanted my mom,” she continued. “My sadness body snatched me so I googled ‘average death age woman’ (ooohhh what a fun google billie!!! I promise the rest of my google search history has a sliightly more fun vibe?!) and google said it was 80.2. My mom died when she was 60. 60 is too damn young to die.”