Eight ways you have accidentally just shown your age on holiday

Gone are the days when teenagers opted out of family holidays in favour of mainlining margaritas in Magaluf on an 18-30s holiday. These days family holidays go on forever, and as boomers are the only generation with any money, they therefore deserve to pay for everything forever. Apparently.

Thrown together 24 /7 for a whole two weeks can either bring families together like an episode of The Waltons or highlight huge generational gaps. So, how have you shown your age this summer?

Your idea of what makes the perfect holiday destination is the first big reveal of where you sit in the sliding scale of the generational alphabet. If you have picked a fly-and-flop in Santorini, Sardinia – okay boomer, or even Cornwall – are you delooloo?

The cool kids are redefining travel and seeking out lifestyle experiences as well as tan lines, and TikTok is their preferred travel agent. A new report revealed that 60 per cent of Gen Z respondents used the platform as their primary source of inspiration, and they want adventure, unexplored destinations, culture and photo opportunities for the ’gram. Canada (see Lily Allen in Nova Scotia) is suddenly a bucket list destination, as is Japan and Brazil and cities such as Seoul and Marseille have become places du jour. And if you haven’t been to Tropea and Isola di Ortigia, my guess is you are definitely over 35.

The family holiday home in Valle de Nothing to Do all starts at the airport, when choosing the right outfit is crucial. Mum can dismiss any thoughts of a maxi dress, “Kate Middletonesque” espadrille wedges and a fresh new bob combination. A straw hat is a no too. This summer it’s all about The Cap. 

What, you didn’t get the memo that a holiday no longer means a break from office attire? Sorry about that, but men’s workaday shirts in white, pink or blue need to be worn over bikinis, skintight leggings and a bra-top in “Skims” neutrals this summer. 

Box fresh socks are to be pulled up to calf height and worn with sliders and hair, nails, eyebrows and lashes should be on point. For everybody. Because grooming is not just for the girls and holidays are no longer for letting things grow a little wild. No matter what Prince William says with his “sexy summer stubble”. He’s just showing his age, which is over 40.

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You might as well be pulling out an old Filofax, grandad. Wallets were decreed as the latest telltale geriatric signifier earlier this year. Only old people are weighed down by bulging pieces folded over leather. Gen Z pays for everything on their phone, on apps, on the cloud somewhere floating above us in the digital sky.

And if you have printed out your tickets in case of an “outage” well, you are just part of the problem generation who has killed the planet by encouraging everyone to chop down trees. Though considering how the globe came to a standstill courtesy of the CrowdStrike glitch earlier this year, boomers may be on to something.

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Have you not heard of underconsumption core? Also, who besides a boomer, has the patience to wait for luggage on a carousel and has money to even pay for a bag? Today, it’s all about The Edit (one oversized men’s shirt works from pool to dinner when it becomes a dress) and buying local if you really need to. Toothbrushes need to be bamboo and that half-used tube of toothpaste is less than 100ml limit so all good. Okay, daughter Chloe is over the weight limit with her four must-have matching metal cases complete with Stanley cup holder, but then, she might also be a former Love Island contestant and we know who we’d rather be don’t we?

Wrong. Dad’s new mid-calf cargo shorts can do one, as can his ancient, faded check shirt (hello – you’re not Kurt Cobain). Leisurewear is also de rigueur here. A head-to-toe branded tracksuit or tonal sweat set works, but a plain white T-shirt and long jorts (jeans shorts) are the vibe for the modern Gen Z holiday maker. A simple chain, new trainers and a Dior murse (man purse) or dupe, finish the look.

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And managed to ruin every single one of them by getting the heart hand sign wrong. The correct (Gen Z) way to do it, is to use the middle finger and index finger to make the heart. But whatever you do this must not go on the socials. Ever.

Raw dogging is what son Ryan will be doing on the flight, the latest do-nothing travel challenge. Luckily, he only must stare at the seat in front, without any food, drink or entertainment for two hours this time. Christmas in Thailand wasn’t quite so easy. Meanwhile, mum and dad are on their third G&T, squinting at holiday reads on their Kindles. At least they’ve learnt that five IRL books aren’t worth their weight in words. 

You’re welcome and happy holidays.

Jane Kellock is a trend forecaster and director of USP, Unique Style Platform