After coronavirus most of us will experience post-traumatic growth, but that doesn’t mean we’ll all be instantly stronger

Post-traumatic growth is a phenomenon that’s hailed as a wholly positive and enlightening experience. It’s about the light at the end of a traumatic tunnel. It’s a way of acknowledging the positives we’ve gained from negative experiences and using these to develop and grow as stronger, warmer, sunnier human beings.

However, if we set our expectations too high and over-simplify the meaning of post-traumatic growth it could do more harm than good.

Trauma, and our response to trauma, is high on the agenda. Not only have we all been through something “unprecedented” (to use another popular phrase) but we’ve seen many layers of experiences and responses to these highly-pressured times.

And when we think about life before lockdown, rather than it being a halcyon pre-Covid age, it feels like it was more of a build-up to today’s tipping point. Brexit, political uncertainty, Trump’s America, austerity. We’ve all been through the ringer over the last few years – so you could argue that we’re all in it together, and we’ll all, collectively, rise from the ashes.

The problem is, we haven’t all been through the same experience. We’ve been through a wide range of experiences within a shared context. Some people may have experienced a slight discomfort at wearing a mask, or the irritation at not being able to see friends. Meanwhile, some have dealt with uncertain employment or redundancy. Others have experienced extreme loneliness. Some, an increase in the symptoms and impact of anxiety or depression or other mental health conditions.

Some are still physically recovering from the direct impact of the virus. Others are grieving for those who never did recover.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel might be much darker and far longer for some of us. And this is why post-traumatic growth isn’t a consistent experience. Plus, we have to remember that some people may not experience it at all and, for those that do, it can sometimes be a very slow experience, with the first shoots of post-traumatic growth starting to show many, many years after the initial trauma.

Post-traumatic growth is about recognising the positives we have gained from trauma. Whether it’s learning more about who we are, increasing our compassion for others, finding purpose and meaning in life or enjoying a new level of gratitude. These can all be described as elements of post-traumatic growth.

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However, as we know, life isn’t as simple as saying, well, Covid-19 was a bit of a bitch, but at least I learnt to bake banana loaf. In fact, that response can be deeply troubling to someone who isn’t feeling the same way.

For those who, even as lockdown measures lift, still feel deep emotions of anxiety or grief, displaying a too-happy level of optimism can invoke feelings of shame and hopelessness. Why aren’t I able to get through this like they are?

We have to also remember that, regardless of external factors, such as job losses and isolation, people’s prior experiences or vulnerabilities in relation to mental health can also play a role. Just because somebody you know hasn’t contracted Covid-19 themselves, lost their job or lost a family member, doesn’t mean that the impact is any less. Acute anxiety disorders including OCD and panic disorder can be just as debilitating.

Managing our expectations with regards to our own, and others’, responses to trauma is key to our recovery. Like with any other mental health issue, post-traumatic growth can be a complex and deeply personal experience – and one that rarely flows in one straight line.

To propel society’s recovery, therefore, I believe that while we need to acknowledge and highlight the positives we are starting to see, we also need to cut ourselves, and others, some slack and have a little patience.

Just as Covid-19 is following an unknown path, so too is our response to it. Try to keep hold of that glimpse of light, but don’t feel you have to sprint towards it. Healing is an ongoing process, not a finish line.

Ruth is a positive psychology practitioner and qualified and accredited coach. She is the founder and managing director of Champs.​