Christmas might end up being ‘cancelled’ for another year – but I don’t mind

Politicians seem to have a new mission – “saving” Christmas.

By this they are referring to the annual event where we buy poultry too large to fit in our ovens and toys our children tire of within a few weeks. Let alone the cases and cases of cheap booze – which will cause damage to our livers and cause big rolls of flab around our middles – resulting in “dry” January. We will buy bizarre foods – cranberries no one ever eats, even on Christmas Day – and make bread sauce which tastes and looks exactly like wallpaper paste.

According to the powers that be – retailers, market analysts, fuel gurus and pollsters – Christmas is in peril. Major chains from Tesco to Marks and Spencer say food, gadgets, garish Christmas sweaters and fancy lingerie are stuck in containers at Felixstowe, with no drivers to move them. Turkeys will be hard to find. And so on. One expert has predicted gas supplies will be low – so that bumper Turkey could take two days to cook!

Ever since Boris Johnson said he would personally “save” Christmas, the panic buying has continued. Now, Oliver Dowden, co-chair of the Tory party, has leapt into the frame, claiming that “children’s Christmas lists will be filled”. Has he bought a Santa outfit and is he planning to tour the M25 with a sack of gifts?

I’m relieved Christmas might be different this year – Covid restrictions might have been grim but they provided a welcome break from the stultifying routine. A chance to reset priorities, away from pointless gut-busting consumption.

Christmas needs a rebrand. I don’t even know why it's still called Christmas – religion has nothing to do with it for many.