Chamber music gives me a sense of belonging when my mental health dips

Mental health is an interesting topic for me as a 19-year-old musician. Sometimes, I can dive into practicing violin with a fresh mind – ready and eager to improve. Other days my motivation can waver and I let every single mistake drag me down.

Over years of injuries, an eating disorder, family issues and a late diagnosis of the visual perceptual processing disorder, Irlen’s syndrome, I have had many bad days.

Yet, just when I think these days are all my musical life is filled with, I again find that spark that made me start playing in the first place.

A joyful day for me is to have progressed a section of a piece of music that I have been working on by increasing the tempo, having an intricate section of fingering engrained in my hands or maybe some double stops precisely in tune. On these days, playing can transport me to a different place and invest me deep into the emotions of Mozart or Lalo. These days make me feel accomplished and free.

An inadequate day involves little progress and a constant niggling voice saying: “You’re not good enough. You can’t do this.” On these days I feel isolated and out of my depth, like an ant attempting to climb Scafell Pike.

I think that mental health as a creative can be precarious. It lives between passion and pain. My view is that at some point all artists in all art forms will face turbulence from comparison, decision making, deadlines, failure, fear and lack of money. These concerns can feel like the weight of the world as a young person, especially as social media has a habit of vastly magnifying those fears.

Music provides me with belonging and connection. Aside from my solo work, the most immersive form of music for me is chamber music. I find that playing with a small group of musicians is encouraging. Instead of being overwhelmed by a mass of people, having a small group can allow each member to have an opinion on how to phrase a line or whether to change a dynamic of the music. When coming to perform with a trio or quartet, I love being able to breathe with peers and come together – this connection is one of the most astonishing feelings.

As a member of Arts Council England’s Youth Advisory Board, I get the chance to pour my own experiences into our work. I am thrilled to say we take mental health and wellbeing and the positive impact arts and culture has on young people’s mental health seriously, making sure we are heard in different Arts Council England policy areas.

I have been playing violin since I was four, and I couldn’t have weathered the bad days without that collaborative experience among musicians. That passion between creatives is why I relish the industry that I am a part of. It can overcome the loneliest, darkest days and help you focus on the light, whether that be performing, going to a play or touring a gallery – it all has some sort of inspiration running through its core to reach another generation of creatives.

As young artists, we are in a constant state of trying to balance out our mental health, but at times this isn’t necessarily a bad. Without the different waves of wellbeing as ever-changing as a piece of music, we can’t create our masterpieces. And what would we be without the company of the art we create?