Putin jokes and defence spending rows: Inside Boris Johnson’s turbulent trip overseas

Boris Johnson looked and sounded exhausted at the end of his nine-day trip overseas. Nine days of strange, somewhat stilted conversations with world leaders. Nine days of rows about biofuels and military budgets. Nine days of questions about Tory MPs trying to oust him.

Asked if he was looking forward to getting home, the prime minister allowed himself a sigh and a smile. “I can’t tell you how much… there’s no place like home.”

But unlike Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, there is no respite for the PM back at the farm. As he kicks off his ruby slippers at Downing Street, he knows his troubles have not magically disappeared.

Johnson’s trip to Rwanda for the Commonwealth conference went smoothly enough. But his time at the G7 assembly in Bavaria and the Nato summit in Madrid was overshadowed by manoeuvres from rebel Tories back home and a big spending spat with his own defence secretary.

Ben Wallace used the week of the Nato summit to moan about Britain’s “smoke and mirrors” military budgets. Out in Madrid, Team Johnson and Team Wallace remained very separate entities – clashing over basics, such as what Britain actually spends on defence as a proportion of GDP.

Wallace rubbished No 10’s projected figure of 2.3 per cent, pointing out to assembled journos that it included non-core spending on Ukraine. “It doesn’t buy me any more planes, tanks or ships,” the ex-Scots Guards captain grumbled.

Johnson managed to draw a line under the fracas, at least for now, with a commitment to hit 2.5 per cent by the end of the decade. But the fact that a top leadership contender feels free to do his back-biting quite so openly says a lot about Johnson’s draining authority.

Speaking to Johnson on the plane from Germany to Spain, the Westminster lobby pack asked him about potential Tory defectors and the possibility of an early general election.

The PM batted away media “commentary” and reminded everyone, as if they needed reminding, that he was once a hack himself. “I used to do the kind of jobs that you all do now... I’ve got to recognise I’m no longer a member of that sacred guild.”

Perhaps it was the mid-air turbulence, but when asked for a third time if he might call a snap election, the PM briefly lost his bonhomie: “Oh, for heaven’s sake! I am not offering commentary.”

Little wonder that Johnson took comfort in the company of presidents and premiers. The shameless charmer is on safe ground when it comes to glad-handing his fellow masters of the universe.

At the G7 he and his Canadian counterpart Justin Trudeau joked about the topless horse-riding pics of Vladimir Putin: “Let’s show our pecs!” The expensively educated pair were also at the Schloss Elmau hotel, as Trudeau jogged around the pool while Johnson went for a swim.

Meanwhile, Johnson appeared to make up with Emmanuel Macron. After hamming up Le Bromance for the cameras, the pair discussed the French president’s plan for a new “political” alliance across Europe, outside the confines of the EU. The PM might have nodded politely to Macron – with whom he shared a Bavarian whisky – but later played down the idea of a formal structure.

Johnson told journalists he’d quite like to see Turkey and north Africa included in a very loose arrangement, comparing it to the “Mare Nostrum of the Roman Empire”. He’ll now have to explain himself to Brexiteer MPs worried about his pan-European ambitions.

In fact, Johnson has a lot of explaining to do to Tory MPs. He arrived back in London just as deputy chief whip Chris Pincher quit amid accusations of groping. The PM faces fresh by-election pain if he can’t persuade colleagues that Pincher’s exit from government is punishment enough.

Johnson also has to face up to the possibility of No 10 staff turning against him, after MPs running the inquiry into whether he misled parliament allowed for anonymous testimony on Partygate.

Rebel Tories appear to have finally become organised while Johnson was abroad. They are thought to be working together on a “clean slate” at the upcoming 1922 Committee elections so that the dwindling number of backbench loyalists can’t stop a rule change allowing a fresh confidence vote this year.

If only Tory MPs were as easy to schmooze as world leaders. If 2022 is to be Johnson’s last year in the top job, he can always look back fondly at his adventures in the mountains of Bavaria.