I can’t – and won’t – fork out a thousand pounds to attend someone else’s wedding

Receiving an invite to a wedding these days only seems to bore a pit into one’s stomach – and one’s bank account. There’s no beating around the bush; you’re going to have to cough up copious amounts of cash for the privilege of witnessing someone else’s declarations of undying love at the altar. You may even be staring down the barrel of a £1k bill for each wedding you attend, invitations arriving like pretty, floral harbingers of financial doom. That’s according to new data by American Express, at least, with wedding gifts, travel expenses, accommodation, childcare costs and outfits named the top offenders for leaving guests out of pocket.

I don’t think I’m just being stingy. The very thought of spending anywhere near a grand to attend a wedding – not even as part of the wedding party – seems like utter insanity to me. If that’s the average cost of going to one wedding, what if you’ve been invited to two, three, maybe even four this year? My credit card balance is quaking in fear at the prospect. Rima Barakeh, wedding expert at Hitched.co.uk, points to data that shows nearly half (40 per cent) of guests admit they will still attend a wedding despite not being able to afford it, but she adds: “If attending a wedding is costing someone upwards of £1k, most people won’t be able to sustain more than one of two a year, if that.”

I come from a DINK household – meaning “dual income, no kid” – which means I can split some of the costs of attending a wedding with my partner. But things are much worse on either side of us: parents having to splash out on painfully expensive childcare to the left of me, and single people forking out for full prices to the right. Yet halving the costs of accommodation and any gifts would still leave me at least £600 poorer every time I go to someone’s nuptials.

This doesn’t include the cost of hen and stag parties, either. Research by Hotels.com found that, in 2022, the average cost of a hen do in the UK increased by 60 per cent from £150 to £242. But this is relatively thrifty compared to parties held abroad, which reportedly cost an average of £998 per person. Modern rules dictate that neither the bride nor groom pay a penny for their parties, even if a three-day bender in Benidorm is what they specifically asked for. But I’ll be honest for a second: if I were asked to pay hundreds of pounds for someone else’s holiday, I would have to decline. I simply cannot afford it.

The ongoing cost of living crisis makes these figures even harder to swallow. Rents and bills are spiralling out of control, while buying groceries has become a weekly exercise in bargain-hunting. Forget about going to the pub on the regular as well: I’ve seen £7 pints in recent days. To make matters worse, the Resolution Foundation, a think tank focused on low- to middle-income groups, said in March that UK workers are annually £11k worse off because of wage stagnation over the last 15 years. All of this, and I’m expected to somehow scrape together a thousand of my finest British pounds to go to a wedding? It’s beyond belief.

Let us also spare a thought for those who are unfortunate enough to be invited to the weddings of budding social media influencers. In the never-ending quest for #content, brides and grooms are increasingly obsessed with throwing party after party in the lead-up to the actual day. Engagement events. Bridal showers. Rehearsal dinners. Farewell brunches. Some soon-to-be brides are even hosting “bridesmaid proposal” events, where gifts are exchanged in the hopes of joining the wedding party. A phone call just doesn’t cut it anymore. It means shelling out for more childcare, more outfits, more travel, and ultimately, more money – all of it being furiously pumped into the wedding capitalism machine.

Matthew Shaw, founder and creative director of event planning company Saveur, warns that destination weddings are the worst culprits for expense. “If [it’s] planned far enough in advance, a lot of guests are happy to treat [it] as their holiday with a very special celebration as part of it,” he says. “Some destinations require a quick direct flight and an overnight stay – which can often end up being similar to a countryside wedding in the UK – but I’ve also seen weddings where guests are asked to take a long flight, then a ferry, then a car. That can be a huge ask for your guests at the best of times and particularly at the moment.”

Depressingly, it all feels like we’ve lost sight of what weddings are really about, and the results are increasingly soulless. No one will remember a lavish venue or a designer dress if no one can afford the flight and hotel it takes to be there. Who will shed a tear when the bride walks down the aisle? Who will dance to the DJ playing “Mr Brightside”? Who will pose in the photo booth with naff Team Bride and Team Groom props? These are precious memories couples risk missing out on.

I’m a big advocate of only attending the weddings of people you truly care about. I guarantee that these are the ceremonies you’ll remember with the most fondness and won’t mind having splashed a bit of cash on. And these are often held by people who will try to get you involved whether you can afford to attend or not – like setting up a wedding livestream or a video call during the reception. We can be pickier about the invitations we accept. But when the alternative is splashing out so much money, we also don’t really have a choice.