Women affected by pregnancy loss give their thoughts on new miscarriage sympathy card

Rachel Tooze, 35, from Surrey, has suffered three miscarriages, one of which happened 16 weeks into the pregnancy. This meant Ms Tooze had already been for her 12-week scan, after which she had told her friends, family and colleagues she was expecting.

“To have to then tell people that I’d lost the baby, there was a huge amount of disappointment, which kind of compounded the grief,” she tells The Independent, explaining that for friends and family it can be difficult to know how to express sympathy because miscarriage is still not widely spoken about - despite more high profile women like Meghan Markle sharing their experiences.

“When you’re grieving someone close to you, there’s a lot more openness in talking about that,” says Ms Tooze. “So, you know what’s normal, and there’s more convention around how you respond to people who are going through that, whereas pregnancy loss is a very specific sort of grief.

“Some people find it quite intangible because they haven’t met the baby, they haven’t formed that relationship with it, but for the parents who are affected, it’s not just the loss of the pregnancy, it’s the loss of the future and what could have been,” she explains.

In the UK, more than one in four pregnancies are estimated to end in miscarriage each year. While not all miscarriages are recorded, the Miscarriage Association estimates this number is around 250,000. Yet, continued taboo around pregnancy loss - at all stages - means it can be an extremely distressing and lonely experience for those who go through it.

Now a first-of-its-kind sympathy card has been launched to help break the taboos surrounding pregnancy loss. In partnership with the Card Factory, one of the UK’s biggest card retailers, the Miscarriage Association has designed a new card that acknowledges both the sadness of miscarriage for the bereaved parents and that sometimes their loved ones don’t have the right words to say.

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The new card carries a simple message, reading: “There’s no good card for this. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby” in the handwriting of someone who has been through a miscarriage. The back of the card also has details on how to access the Miscarriage Association’s support services.

Angie O’Reilly, 35, who has had two miscarriages, said she would have appreciated a specific sympathy card at the time of her losses. “Sending a card is such an easy thing to do, but it is a gesture that is so valued by the recipient, especially when it’s hard for people to find the right words,” she said.

Miscarriage Association’s national director, Ruth Bender Atik, hopes the simple wording of the card will help bridge the gap between bereaved parents and their loved ones. “[Miscarriage] can be deeply distressing and yet it’s still something that many people find difficult to talk about.

“People worry about saying the wrong thing, so often so say nothing at all which can leave those experiencing the loss feeling very alone. This card provides simple words that can make a real difference,” she said.

Ms Tooze said that it is important to recognise the enormity of the loss even if it is early on in the pregnancy. “Even if you lost the baby really early on, it’s not a foetus to you, it’s not cells, it is a baby, and having other people acknowledge that is helpful... there aren’t the words to sum miscarriage up, but it shows people who are going through it that you care.”

The card is already on sale at the Card Factory online and will be rolled out into the retailer’s shops over the course of the next few months. A donation of 10 per cent from the sale of each card will go to support the Miscarriage Association’s work.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can contact stillbirth and neonatal death charity Sands on 0808 164 3332 or email helpline@sands.org.uk. The helpline is open from 9.30am to 5.30pm Monday to Friday, and until 9.30pm on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

You can contact the Miscarriage Association helpline on 01924 200799 or email the charity at info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk. The helpline is open from 9am to 4pm Monday to Friday.

You can also find bereavement support at The Lullaby Trust by calling 0808 802 6868 or emailing support@lullabytrust.org.uk.

To contact Petals to enquire about the charity’s counselling services, you can call 0300 688 0068 or email counselling@petalscharity.org.