Is this the divorce season to end all divorce seasons?

Every January, divorce lawyers are met with a surge of enquiries from couples whose relationships have crumbled over the Christmas period. Those who had made it through another year, but being forced together over the holidays for extended periods of scrabble and turkey was the final straw.

The trend is so well established, that the first working Monday of the year has come to be known as “Divorce day”. In 2021, however, the day was long predicted to be more busy than ever before after three national lockdowns, all of which were expected to cause marital issues to rear their head (Citizens Advice reported a spike throughout 2020 for online advice on ending a relationship, following similar patterns in China which had an earlier lockdown than the UK).  

But has this season become the divorce season to end all divorce seasons?  

Research from Richard Nelson solicitors has found that online searches for “I want a divorce” surged by 230 per cent in the first week of January 2020 compared to December 2019. Elsewhere, law firm Wright Hassall reported a 31 per cent increase in divorce inquiries since lockdown began. And celebrity couples are not immune – Kim Kardashian West has reportedly hired divorce guru, Laura Wasser, to start proceedings.  And Zoe Kravtiz also reportedly “filed for divorce” after 18 months of marriage.

It’s no secret that the pandemic has put a strain on romantic relationships. This is particularly true for married couples, whose lives will have undoubtedly been transformed by coronavirus. Once you overcame the idea of having to spend 24/7 together, there were all sorts of other hurdles to consider: financial difficulties, juggling childcare with work, or perhaps caring for a vulnerable relative. And then, of course, there’s the very real prospect of you or your partner catching Covid-19.

Divorce lawyer Ian Watson, from London, has said that he is expecting his busiest week of the year this week with an 18 per cent rise in divorce inquiries. “I always need to take on extra staff in January,” he says, explaining that the surge is down to new clients coming to him “after a miserable Christmas”.

“It will be busier than ever this year because of Covid,” he adds, “and all the economic pressure it has exerted combined with couples being stuck for months on end under the same roof with no holidays to ease the pressure. More people will be making a new start in 2021 than ever before.” 

Affairs could be set to surge, too, with website Illicit Encounters noting a 16 per cent rise in subscriptions, leading it to predict an “affairs explosion” in 2021 as life slowly returns to normal.

“You will see a post-lockdown ‘affair hangover’ where people who have been longing to cheat for the past year because of frustrations with their relationship finally break free and start looking for new partners,” explains marriage counsellor Polly Green, who believes that the only reason people looking to cheat have stayed faithful thus far is because of lockdown rules having kept them at home.

“They will start venturing out again full of pent-up frustration and affairs which might have taken weeks or months to take off will start very quickly,” she adds.

There are countless other factors that might have contributed to the surge in divorce inquiries. Even just the loss of normality and ways to maintain mental wellbeing, such as socialising or going to the gym. And if someone is suffering from poor mental health, that is likely to have an impact on their relationship, too. This week, new data found that antidepressant use surged in England during the pandemic, with more than six million people taking the drugs in the three months leading up to September.

“The pandemic has proven difficult for many couples as they do not have the usual stress reliefs or time apart that they typically would,” notes Dal Heran, family lawyer with Wright Hassall. “This is particularly challenging for couples who have already been experiencing unhappiness in their relationship and are now having to spend more time together.” 

Research carried out by Wright Hassall also found that social media was a contributing factor to the rise in divorce inquiries, with 30 per cent of adults believing that an increased use of social media has put a strain on their relationship.

“Over lockdown, many people have been using social media, and contacting people through social media, more regularly,” says Heran. “A significant number of adults (44 per cent) said they would contemplate ending their relationship if their partner behaved inappropriately on social media and, as social media usage and the boredom of lockdown continues to increase, this is likely to continue causing significant marital disputes.”

Despite the difficulties many marriages will have faced, it is worth bearing in mind that these are unprecedented times, so to speak. In other words: just because your marriage isn’t working right now, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth salvaging. “Depending on a couple’s economic situation, I would advise them to seek counselling before looking into divorce,” says relationships psychologist Madeleine Mason-Roantree.  

“There are some things within a couple that can be difficult to overcome without an objective party to help sort out the arguments and misunderstandings. Sometimes a couple only needs a few sessions to understand their unhelpful dynamic.” 

If counselling is not a possibility, Mason-Roantree suggests thinking about whether or not a relationship is worth saving by having a candid conversation with your partner, identifying the key issues and trying to find ways to overcome them together. If the outcome is that your relationship isn’t worth saving, try to remember that the pandemic might not be entirely to blame, says Mason-Roantree.

“As far as the context of Covid-19 and lockdown is concerned, I don’t think this should be a key feature in whether couples should leave or stay,” she adds. “It may delay moving out for example, but ultimately, it won’t necessarily change anything in terms of the outcome if a couple decides to leave one another.”  

In short, it’s worth recognising that a couple that gets divorced in January 2021 might have got divorced with or without a pandemic. They might just have done so a little sooner.