Foul deeds galore at the City watchdog: How can we take it seriously after these revelations?

The biggest story in the City these past few days has not been the state of the economy, the value of the pound, the general election or a Chinese firm buying British Steel. It’s staff at the Financial Conduct Authority defecating on the floor in toilet cubicles.

This startling admission was made by the City watchdog’s chief operating officer, Georgina Philippou, in an email to colleagues. She was “ashamed”, she wrote, at the behaviour of a “minority of employees”.

Other offences outlined by the COO included overflowing waste bins; cutlery and crockery left in kitchen areas; people urinating on the floor in the men’s toilets; alcohol bottles left in sanitary bins; and plants and charge cables stolen from desks. Declared Philippou: “This kind of behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated here.”

All this since the authority moved its 4,000 staff from Canary Wharf to a new headquarters at Stratford in July 2018. Cue jokes galore across the Square Mile. The puns are base and obvious – rather like the FCA custodians’ treatment of their own smart offices, in fact.

Putting the disgusting lack of hygiene to one side, the admission that alcohol is in the building and that staff have been stealing should provide extra cause for alarm. City firms have tightened up their acts considerably in the past decade. Alcohol, beyond the polite sip over lunch in the corporate hospitality suites, is strictly verboten. And certainly not to the extent where bottles are dumped in sanitary bins.

Similarly, the news there are thieves afoot at the FCA – the same referee charged with busting financial chicanery, much of it entailing dishonesty – is equally shocking.

The next time a banker or share trader is dragged before the beaks for interrogation, they are entitled to wonder if the person opposite them has not defecated on the floor, chucked a bottle of booze in the bin in the ladies’ loos or nicked a plant and some cabling.

When the news broke and the wisecracks began circulating, I tried to put it in context. I’ve worked in many offices in my time and yes, occasionally, a note goes up requesting that people tidy up after themselves. Never though can I recall a claim that folk have defecated on the toilet floor or put alcohol bottles in the sanitary bin. Neither do I remember proclamations of theft. And I’ve been employed by various newspapers which, according to legend, were populated by a host of Lunchtime O’Booze characters (they weren’t: there were a handful who liked the odd drink, but the hard-drinking era was consigned to legend). And they did not do what some FCA staffers seemingly regard as OK.

Something is not right at the FCA. The Philippou missive merits being taken seriously. It indicates a lack of discipline and poor attitude, a disregard for employer and fellow employees. Joking apart, it should be pursued rigorously. The perpetrators, if not found and punished, ought to be scared into coming into line. After all, while not part of the organisation’s remit, such actions, if they were brought to the FCA’s attention, would almost certainly merit a quizzical comment or two – and they would most definitely be seen as a sign of something rotten at the corporation in question.

It’s no coincidence that on his TV programmes, when he swoops into a troubled restaurant, the first thing Gordon Ramsay does is to scrutinise the kitchens. He’s checking to see if the chef is hygienic, but he’s also searching for much more: an orderly kitchen is indicative of an orderly mind; a disorderly house is evidence of someone lacking in control, and also suggests poor attention to detail and an absence of pride. That’s what should be worrying the FCA: that’s what is so alarming.

I was not quite telling the truth when I said that I have not witnessed similar behaviour. When I was at university studying law, the toilets of the law library were notorious for possessing the most obscene graffiti in the entire university. The walls in the cubicles in the male toilets were covered in the stuff, some of it lewd, some of it witty and sharp, but much of it disgusting and sexist.

In case you should suppose it could have been the work of one person, the writing was different – I know because, perhaps sadly, I found myself studying it and pondering who had put it there.

The toilets were in the basement. I never heard anyone scribbling away. Whenever I ventured back upstairs I would see lines of desks occupied by students huddled over their books. No one looked up and sniggered: no one appeared capable of penning such filth.

These were trainee lawyers who went on, in many cases, to hold down partnerships at the top City firms and to join the various regulators. I was with a university friend recently and the subject of the law library graffiti came up. We both remembered it.

Possibly the obscenities we used to read and the FCA’s roll call of shame are somehow linked. Could it be that lawyers (and there are many at the FCA), who rank among the most controlled and serious of individuals, get their kicks by resorting to foul conduct on their own doorstep?

Far from marking the end, Philippou’s email should kickstart a proper investigation, psychologists to the fore. I hark back to my university days, and I want to know the answer.