Bank holidays can be an opportunity to reassess relationships

On bank holiday weekends, you’re meant to have Plans. The capital “P” is deliberate. For many of us, bank holidays are an opportunity to snatch some joyful recuperation time, to see friends and family and to (hopefully, in the case of the May and June bank holidays) enjoy pleasant weather.

Of course, bank holidays aren’t holidays for everyone – as those in the NHS and emergency services, social care, the service industry, journalism and many other sectors will attest. But if you do get the time off, it can feel like there’s an expectation to make the most of it and have Big Plans.

If I wasn’t working on Sunday and bank holiday Monday this year, I’m really not sure I’d have those juicy social engagements lined up and ready to go. My friendships and the people I choose to spend time with outside of work have changed considerably over the past six months, and I’m in a kind of limbo state, where I try to make really conscious choices about the people who “spark joy” – in the eternal words of Marie Kondo – and who I want to take with me into my thirties and beyond.

A friend said recently that she believes some people are only meant to be in your life for a while, and if there’s someone who won’t be joining you on your journey forward, that’s OK. Other pearls of wisdom from the same friend include: “You know you’re popping when people need to troll you” – an important takeaway for women in journalism. You’re welcome.

First-year student Catherine Shuttleworth wrote for Voices yesterday about drinking culture at university, and her experience of temporary sobriety. As someone hoping to reach a year alcohol-free this autumn, the responses she received – some positive, some less so – were familiar to me. Many of my relationships previously revolved around drinking together and so it’s not surprising that some of these people have faded away.

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Friendships can break down and people can become less present for all sorts of reasons. Having a beloved family member in palliative care has definitely made me less inclined to make plans, start conversations and reach out to others. Grief can leave many of us feeling shut down and isolated.

I suppose the point here is that, bank holiday or no, we should spend our time with those who lift us up. There are lots of ingrained ideas about what our social lives should look like – the same big group of like-minded mates, weekly bottomless brunches and best friends who go through childhood and into adulthood with us. It’s actually much more fluid than that.

Yours,

Harriet Williamson

Voices commissioning editor