Carnival has cruised into hot water with phased resumption of service plan

The hokey cokey is clearly the party jig du jour at cruise operator Carnival’s HQ. Bosses should be able to adapt it to comply with social distancing. How their cruises might work in the age of the latter has, however, caused a bit of a rumpus.

Let me explain: the “in” part of the corporate hokey cokey came when the FTSE 100-listed company opened the week by announcing plans to restart some cruises from North America on 1 August.

My first thought upon seeing that was why would anyone in their right mind want to contemplate booking a cruise at this time, much less actually go on one. This is, after all, an activity that sees holiday makers spending their time in a gigantic metal hulk in close proximity to others.

Thanks to the pandemic, a cruise has changed from being the sort of sedate excursion you might buy as a treat for your grandparents into something a lot more risky.

However, there are apparently enough people willing to take the plunge to make it worth the company unveiling plans for a “phased resumption in our North American service this summer, beginning on 1 August with a total of eight ships from Miami, Port Canaveral and Galveston”.

Cue controversy and time for the “out” part of the hokey. Sort of. The company hurried out an attempt to clarify the situation, billed as an “update from Carnival on service pause extension”. Horrible corporate mangling of the English language is in rude health despite the pandemic.

Ditto attempts to blame journalists for “misreporting” your errors of judgement

“Some of the media reports have not fully conveyed the contents of our previous media statement and why certain itineraries were not being cancelled,” a miffed Carnival declared.

“Carnival reiterates that this is our current plan contingent on a number of factors. Any resumption of cruise operations – whenever that may be – is fully dependent on our continued efforts in cooperation with federal, state, local and international government officials.”

Wait, wait, there’s more: “Any return to service will also include whatever enhanced operational protocols and social gathering guidelines that are in place at the time of the resumption of cruise operations.”

In, out, in out...

Goodness only knows how they’re planning to work social distancing, which looks set to be with us for quite some time, on a cruise ship. Perhaps they’ve taken a look at the militaristic approach favoured by 1950s British holiday camps: “Ding dong. This is an alarm call for odd number cabins on decks two and three. Please form an orderly queue with two metre separation and file into the dining hall. Your company issued masks can be found in your welcome packs.”

Let’s shake it all about! And getting shaken all about is what’s going to happen if the company presses ahead and there’s an outbreak on board one of its ships through someone infected with the virus but not showing symptoms boarding. If they were to pass it on, well you don’t need me to spell out what could happen…

Just imagine the lawsuits that might follow. Especially if someone dies. And given that the demographic of those who favour cruises is closely aligned to the demographic most at risk of a serious case of Covid-19. Once again, the implications are obvious.

Perhaps it’s going to take travel insurers to save the company from itself.

From a UK perspective, the government advice, since early March, has been for older people not to take cruises. It was one of the first anti virus measures taken.

The Association of British Insurers advises that policies are likely to be invalidated if people travel against government advice. Anyone booking in the wake of Carnival’s “phased” reopening is basically taking a punt on the current restrictions being lifted by the time they intend to go. Not a bet I’d fancy placing.