Till work us do part...

The Nineties' obsession with business jargon and working increasingly long hours are driving a wedge between working couples. Despite being determined to share their work experiences, they quite literally "do not have a clue what their partner is talking about", according to new research from the Industrial Society.

Although the traditional argument resulting from today's long-hours culture is fear of office affairs, the biggest threat to marriages and long-term relationships is reported to be the "corporate family culture". This automatically excludes - partly through its own "secret" language - anyone not employed by the same firm.

While employees once went home and moaned about work to their families, today they are more likely to "rush into work to moan about the shortcomings of their partner". Against such a background, says Angela Baron, policy adviser to the Institute of Personnel and Development, "divorce may be looked on as a mark of loyalty to the job".

Judi James, author and adviser to the Industrial Society, says: "We all know people who are a martyr to their job, and who will even take their mobile phone on to the beach during a family holiday, rather than run the risk of being out of touch with what's happening back at the office. For some, it may be a genuine fear that they'll be stabbed in the back while they're away. But for others, it's simply that what they do at work is becoming far more important to them than their families."

A decade ago, adds James, most firms were keen to include families in corporate life via Christmas parties or summer outings. But in today's pared-down company, things are different. "Firms will tell you that it's the extra money involved, but the real reason is that employees themselves don't want their partners to spoil their fun and to muscle in on what is often the best part of work - the social side."

Advances in technology including the advent of e-mail have also helped blur the traditional distinction between work and leisure, says James Reed, chief executive of Reed Personnel Services. "We have noticed an increase in what we call `grey time,' which is when colleagues get together in cafes or bars and brainstorm work-related ideas, or e-mail each other over the weekend. It's not exactly work and it's not exactly leisure, but it has the effect of excluding partners not involved in the same business."

Reed believe that employers, in their quest to hire and hang on to qualified staff, are making work "far more fun. Whether it's the gym, the swimming pool or the workplace bar, top employers are making it harder and harder for the workforce to go home."

Penny de Valk, managing director of the work/life specialists Ceridian Performance Partners, says: "With many of us living in fractured or temporary communities, we may go to work specifically to find a sense of belonging that is otherwise missing. Given that work is so much more important to us nowadays, and so much more of a commitment on our time, it is inevitable that our closest confidants at the office are very much like an extended family."

Judi James believes that non-work relationships are not a high priority for many UK managers. "People pay lip-service to the work/life balance, and some enlightened firms do make strenuous efforts to ensure staff take lunch-breaks, leave on time at night and take all their annual holiday. But for many others, the gradual replacement of traditional family structures by the corporate family suits their purpose very well. If they spent as much time on marriage guidance as they do on team-building, there would be far fewer divorces."