Baroness Floella Benjamin on how the trauma of three miscarriages prompted her to call for change.
The former children’s presenter and life peer is determined to use her experience to help others.
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Your support makes all the difference.She always has a smile on her face, but when Baroness Floella Benjamin was at the height of children’s TV stardom with Play School and Play Away she suffered three miscarriages.
The 72-year-old broadcaster, actress, campaigner and life peer says her loving husband, Keith, who she has been with for 52 years, and her wonderful family helped her cope with her grief.
Today, she has two grown-up children, Alvina and Aston, lives in Beckenham, Kent, and is a beacon of positivity, having entertained and educated countless children, campaigned for many causes, run marathons and supported charities.
Looking back, what have you learned from the trauma of miscarriage?
“Everything happens for a reason. The reason I had to go through that was to try to help other women and men,” she says. “Because Keith and I are so close I realised what trauma he was going through as a man, having seen your wife so unhappy with the misfortune you have to bear. It focused my mind on how I could make a difference in other people’s lives, rather than being a victim and feeling sorry for myself.”
She writes about her miscarriages in her autobiography, What Are You Doing Here? She had already had her first child Aston when she miscarried the first time at nine weeks, just before she was due to make a speech in Sheffield for the launch of a new children’s publishing imprint.
“I finished putting my make-up on and went to the podium and gave my speech. I kept smiling. I went home and cried,” she writes. Two further miscarriages followed.
Do you approach the subject differently now?
“My experience made me conscious that you should never, ever ask a woman when she’s going to have a baby,” she reflects. “Feel yourself blessed, but never boast about having your children.”
What action have you taken to improve the way miscarriage is handled?
“In Parliament, I introduced a private members’ bill to have a certificate of loss, so that if you do have a miscarriage or stillbirth before the 24-week cut-off, there’s some sort of certificate to say that you’ve actually experienced it. It can help emotionally, and if you have to have time off.”
She’s been trying to get the bill through for five years now, but says she won’t give up.
How did you juggle a hugely busy career with family life?
“I have a wonderful husband. We work together and were one of the first production companies to have their own edit suite. When we bought our house in 1979, we didn’t realise it was going to be turned into a factory, as such.”
She would juggle work between school hours, working into the night, long after her children had gone to bed, she explains.
You say you’re still a workaholic, so how do you switch off?
“I can meditate anywhere. I can be surrounded by people but I’m in my own space. When Keith says, ‘Let’s take some time off’, we go to Cumbria, which is my spiritual home. I love going walking in the hills and just clearing my mind.
“I sleep six to eight hours every night – I have a good night’s sleep. I think sleep is terribly important. I feel good about what I’m trying to do.
“I’m an achievement junkie. When I used to run the marathon, for instance, I’d get up at 6am and do a run. Then if I didn’t achieve anything for the rest of the day, I knew I’d achieved five to 10 miles,” she says.
What are the issues that concern you most now?
“That people don’t put children first, still. If you put children first, you’ll have a happy future.”
Where do you get your energy from?
“Most of my energy comes from love. My parents gave me love, my brothers and sisters, feel loved and pass that on to each other and my amazing husband pours love into me every day,” says Benjamin, who is one of six siblings.
You seem to have an idyllic marriage.
“Keith makes me laugh every day. He’s a perfect husband. As a successful, strong woman, you need somebody who doesn’t feel intimidated or jealous or that it’s a competition. We are a team. Our thinking is as one. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life.”
What Are You Doing Here? by Baroness Floella Benjamin is published by Macmillan. Available now.