Weekly Muse
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Your support makes all the difference.BY MARTIN NEWELL
In black and white she stares from snaps.
The beehived early Beatles fan
Eats fish and chips, shares cigarettes
Scrawls John - with luv upon a van.
Now had she guessed what happens next
She might have kept the ticket stub
As frozen in the photograph
She waits beside the Cavern Club.
It's 36 years down the road
When Paul returns to Mathew St
Another player takes the breaks
A different drummer keeps the beat
And sadly in the shadows there
She taps her feet, remembers John
As Time, the heartless hooligan,
Eavesdrops outside, then passes on.
In a 13-hundredweight, long-wheelbase
Off-white, six-wheel Transit van,
I spent a large chunk of my youth
As part of a pop-stardom plan.
The poor old floor was chock-a-block
With fag-butts, bottles, God knows what.
I could elaborate on this
But... family paper. Better not.
For years the van conveyed our band
Our hopes, our dreams and all our gear
And even now, the memory
Can prompt a sentimental tear.
Imagine, then, my outrage when
I read the Transit van's been missed
From British Classics of Design
While lesser objects make the list
And thus it may not be displayed
Within the great Millennium Dome
This multi-purpose chariot/
Our passion wagon/home from home.
Instead, the things we get to see
Include: a baby spoon, some tiles
A waterbed for quadrupeds(!)
And postage stamps in several styles.
So, since the world is going mad
I'll pay this homage while I can
And if I die before my time
Bury my heart in a Transit van.
Mr Woodhead, Chris to me
Back on his favourite hobbyhorse
He blames boys' lack of literacy
On what? The teachers? But of course.
Not on their bonehead parents, peers
Or anyone you think he should.
No. The teachers must be slacking.
Get the cane out. Whack 'em good.
With regard to my own schooldays
Had a sketchy education.
Hardly right to blame my teachers
More a lack of concentration.
Reading matter was eclectic
Beano, Bunter, Orwell, Oz
See my essay on the subject:
"Literacy - the Way We Was".
A festive flu afflicts the Muse
And leaves her less than on-the-ball
But Swinging Saturnalia
And Merry Christmas to you all.
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