The News Quiz

1) "It would have been more of a shock if he had been sober." So said a member of airport staff after a man was arrested at Heathrow for being drunk and incapable. About whom did he say it?

a) George Best

b) Liam Gallagher

c) Oliver Reed

d) Dudley Moore

2) Two electronics manufacturers went to the High Court hoping to prove that each others' inventions sucked. Who were they?

3) It has been a bad week for the following. Why?

a) The Queen Mother

b) The Ford Escort

c) King Hussein of Jordan

d) David Montgomery

4) It has been a good week for the following. Why?

a) President Chirac

b) Boris, the Siberian eagle owl

c) Bracken, the peregrine falcon

d) Ted Hughes

5) "Lawyers are unscrupulous, psychiatrists are crazy, cops are psychopaths, and actors are spoilt brats." Who said it and why?

a) Michael Winner

b) Steven Spielberg

c) Michael Crichton

d) Michael Grade

6) At a press conference, police unveiled a life-size cardboard cutout of a man. Who is the man and why the cutout?

7) Advertisements were placed in a number of national newspapers, offering the chance of a reward of up to pounds 1m. Who placed them?

a) Mohamed al-Fayed

b) Jerry Hall

c) Kenneth Starr

d) Prince Michael of Kent

8) Who will benefit from a package of "family friendly" measures announced on Thursday as part of the Fairness at Work Legislation?

a) Nurses

b) Mothers

c) Single mothers

d) Dentists

9) One hundred teenage girls at a North London convent school are being taught about unwanted pregnancies in a rather unusual way. What is it?

10) A former member of the Cabinet has just put their home up for sale. Who is it?

a) Charlie Whelan

b) Geoffrey Robinson

c) Peter Mandelson

d) Margaret Thatcher

11) Who have become prisoners in their own homes?

12) Which hard drug could end up being the soft option?

Answers

1. c) Oliver Reed. He was arrested after throwing beer over shoppers at Terminal 1.

2. Electrolux and Dyson. Both companies had accused the other of malicious falsehood and misusing a rival's trademark. The judge found both guilty of trademark infringements.

3. a) The 98-year-old underwent an emergency operation for a bad nose- bleed; b) An EC report on car safety said that the Escort does not provide a high level of protection in accidents; c) King Hussein of Jordan deposed his youngest brother as heir to the throne; d) The chief executive of Mirror Group resigned after losing the support of non-executive directors.

4. a) President Chirac gained immunity from prosecution for alleged corruption during his time as Mayor of Paris; b) Boris had cataracts removed, enabling him to see again; c) Bracken, a wild female who lost a leg, was fitted with a prosthesis. This will help her breeding prospects, hampered by her tendency to fall over during passionate moments; d) The late poet won the Whitbread Book of the Year Award for Birthday Letters.

5. c) Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, told this to the American Association for the Advancement of Science after scientists complained about how they were portrayed in films.

6. He is an unknown bank-robber wanted for 34 armed robberies. He is shorter than first thought, which the cutouts emphasise.

7. a) Mr Fayed offered the money in return for information about the Fiat Uno involved in the crash that killed Diana and Dodi.

8. b) Mothers. Paid maternity leave will be extended from 14 to 18 weeks.

9. They have each been given an egg to look after as part of a sex education programme.

11. Fifty-seven inmates who were released early from jail. They are being electronically tagged, and must stay at home between dusk and dawn

12. Viagra. A specialist said that, if used by a sexually active man, Viagra can cause priapism, and even permanent impotence.