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Your support makes all the difference.Internet Christmas shopping has rocketed. Online consultants Fletcher Research suggest shoppers will spend nearly as much over Christmas as they spent in the whole of 1998, when e-sales reached pounds 350m
Santa sounded anxious,
And said in interview:
"The system's nudging meltdown.
I'm not sure what to do.
Because of cyber-shopping
We've split the works up now.
Our system's still in Greenland
But depots are in Slough.
It used to be so simple
Before we had the screen.
A whipping top, a walnut
Perhaps a tangerine,
Downloaded via the chimney.
All packaged by an elf
A sack, a sleigh, it took a day
To do the job myself.
`It isn't broke - don't fix it.'
Which used to work out fine
The Internet changed all of that,
The day we went on-line.
When Rudolph headed transport
The clients knew his name
Now Reindeer Force delivers
It doesn't seem the same.
We used to have a client-base
Who had a bit of class
Your modem cyber-warrior
Just kicks you in the arse
The shoppers get so angry
There's stuff from girls of eight
Abusive things on e-mail.
Cos Tie-Dye Barbie's late.
We've doubled-up on packers
But competition's shocking
And half the stuff they order
You can't fit in the stocking
No option but re-training.
You won't hold progress back.
Or as we say in this trade,
You end up with the sack."
Martin Newell's book `New' costs pounds 6 inc p&p. Send cheques payable to Newell at JLMP 2 Featherbed Lane, Selling, Kent ME139QU
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