Pandora

DO GOVERNMENTS know enough to govern? That was the question asked at a recent Prospect debate. The answer, according to Geoff Mulgan, special adviser to Downing Street's No 1 Guy? No.

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TELETEXT'S NEW poll on whom should lead the Tories rounds up all the usual suspects: Hush Puppies, Vulcan Foundling and Spanish Fly. The wild card is... Ann Widdecombe. Doris Karloff as No 1 Chick? Pandora thinks not. Survival of the Prettiest, a new book by Nancy Etcoff, explains that we prefer our leaders to be easy on the eye because of humans' hard-wired DNA programming. Those of us with less than perfect profiles, spotless skin and really shiny hair can soothe our fury only by remembering, Etcoff contends, that although George Eliot looked like a robber's dog, "she wrote some of the most profound novels in the English language". Hmmmmm. Where does that leave the "novelist" Edwina Currie?

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WHODATHUNKIT? The feminista term "wimmin" made its contemporary English debut in an American cheesecake magazine of the Forties called Eyeful.

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INTERNET CHATTER blows smoke at Al Gore as a pot-inhaler, and we cue all the old jokes about high society. Wise eyes, meanwhile, notice another shape emerge from the shadows: Tipper Gore's curious dalliance with the PMRC (Parents' Music Resource Centre). This "adult" lobby group spent much of the Eighties monitoring "teen" pop records for salacious or druggy lyrics - and Beelzebubian "backwards messages". PMRC is documented, but Gore's cannabis spin is, to date, merely rumour, suggesting that the American group mind is still labouring to come to terms with redefining the enjoyment of Bob Hope as an infractional misdemeanour. Enquiring minds wonder what the preternaturally perky Tipper was doing while listening to all those old Twisted Sister albums...

IGNORANCE? IT'S bliss - official. Warwick University's new study on job satisfaction strongly suggests that the better qualified you are, the unhappier you'll be in the job.

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GEORGE LUCAS, the creator of Star Wars, defended his film thus when it first burst out of the box in 1977: "Why is the public so stupid? It's not my fault."

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WACKY RACERS competing in Gumball 3000, the five-day London-to-Rimini socialite car rally, have been up to their usual madcap antics. Justin Etzin, 23-year-old quondam principal in the Capital VIP Entertainment Group - and sometime companion of Alexandra Aitken - somehow persuaded The Bill to lend him a police car. After nine Ferraris and three Lamborghinis led the convey off the concourse of Chelsea's Bluebird complex, Etzin's phoney cop car turned on its blues-and-twos to pull over Chris Eubank's vehicle... The long-suffering pugilist took the prank in good part. Does this make Etzin an It-Boy? Or is that two consonants short? Once across the Channel, the race's only ambulance got stuck in a tunnel, necessitating animated discussions with French gendarmerie as baffled motorists tailbacked behind. More news as it races through.

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ANNETTE BENING (pictured below) prudently declined the opportunity to meet Ian McKellen and Monica L the other day. "I'm afraid to," she explained. "I'm afraid they're both talking about blowjobs."

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APRIL'S CRUEL closure shows that Nightworld's dangers aren't confined to random psychopathic bombers. Lesser wounds are often self-inflicted. Take Tara PT, partied out and checked in to an Arizona clinic. The poor girl exhibits all the usual longs (lashes, legs) and shorts (judgement, boyfriend). Her current crisis stems from what could be termed the Caracas syndrome; the Venezuelan capital reportedly has eight women to every man. Curiously, the Poshopolis party girl's column in The Sunday Times skims over her current difficulties, suggesting that she'll be back soon. Perhaps, though, Tara PT's plight should be taken as a warning to vulnerable teens on the London party circuit - such as Alexandra Aitken: it's getting hard to write "It Girl" (or "It Boy") without automatically appending "15 minutes and counting".

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@ independent.co.uk