It used to be the fans spreading bonkers conspiracies – in the age of coronavirus, it’s Madonna and Ian Brown

These are dark times for us all. But for certain well-known musicians whose careers are – how to put this kindly? – not what they once were, it seems lockdown life has become very dark indeed. Having grown bored of their home recording studios and long given up the Insta baking sessions, they instead fill our social media timelines with their truth-bombs and crackpot theories, largely to a hail of piss-taking.

These are the popstars that variously deny Covid-19’s existence, or believe it has been planted by pernicious forces, or feel that wearing a mask undermines their basic human rights and/or virility. Every one of them can reasonably be filed alongside Flat Earthers, climate crisis deniers, moon landing doubters and those who say 9/11 was an inside job. Ladies and gents, the dinner invitations from David Icke are in the post.

Chief among the Covidiots is Ian Brown, who, in a series of since-deleted tweets, announced that the pandemic was “planned and designed to make us digital slaves”, and appeared to rail against wearing masks and against vaccination. Madonna didn’t cover herself in glory when she shared on Instagram that a vaccine existed, but was being concealed. “They would rather let fear control the people and let the rich get richer and the poor get poorer,” carped one of the richest women in the world.  

Meanwhile, Wiz Khalifa has suggested to his 36.5 million Twitter followers that the Covid super-spreaders are not in fact small children and inebriated students but 5G masts; The The’s Matt Johnson has said “all roads lead to the Gates”, parroting a popular conspiracy theory that Microsoft’s Bill Gates masterminded the virus for his personal profit; and that well-known epidemiological expert Noel Gallagher has cast doubt on the efficacy of masks. And let’s not forget the ruthless musos who feel we should get back to normality and let nature take its course, Van Morrison and Right Said Fred among them. Or maybe that should be Right Said Spread, amirite lads? 

To think that it used to be the fans that were the impressionable ones, spreading bonkers stories about popstars. You may recall the one about Avril Lavigne having died and been replaced by a doppelganger, the alleged giveaway being that the new Avril was taller than the original. Or the one about Stevie Wonder clearly not being blind because he wears a watch, or Justin Bieber being a secret lizard person, or Bob Marley having been killed not by cancer but the CIA? Now, though, it’s the stars themselves – starved of attention, fearful for their own futures – spreading disinformation, which, of course, is infinitely more dangerous. It’s one thing for a gaggle of Bieber-loving wingnuts to report catching a glimpse of their idol shape-shifting at an Australian airport, it’s another for a celebrity with millions of social media followers to suggest that coronavirus is a massive control experiment by the Illuminati.

It goes without saying that the truthers have yet to offer any meaningful evidence for their claims. This is because people whose hearts reside in Roswell take any and all challenges as proof that they are right; they certainly aren’t interested in hard facts. And really, why would they be, when the US president can go on national TV and tell people that flushing out their veins with bleach could be the solution to the Covid crisis, with no discernible consequences?

We know that moments of national trauma are often followed by spikes in superstition and conspiracy theories – the records show that after the First World War and Spanish flu, spiritualists and psychics did a roaring trade. It stands to reason that humans are more likely to find comfort in alternate reality when actual reality gets tough. Paranoia and the desire to cling to false beliefs have also been linked to a loss of power, which would go some way in explaining the current spate of cuckoo popstar behaviour.  

So does this mean we should look benevolently on the continuing spectacle of bored musicians spreading wild and potentially damaging stories? After all, coronavirus has messed with all our minds. Some people are lonely; others can’t get a moment to themselves. Many have lost their livelihoods and scores more have lost friends and loved ones. All of us have suffered in one way or another, so perhaps we should approach those acting a little crazy with compassion rather than fury. Which reminds me… Nurse? Tell Mr Brown to take off the tinfoil hat – it’s time for his bath.