DVD: I Am Number Four (12)

John (Alex Pettyfer) is not your everyday teen but an alien sent to earth to escape invading forces from his planet.

As if settling into a new school wasn't hard enough, his enemies have tracked him down. I Am Number Four uses every cliché in the book. The script is appalling, pieced together from terrible lines said during terrible scenes in other terrible movies. The Michael Bay producer credit should set alarm bells ringing. There is no depth or emotion, and the music serves as shorthand for what the leads are feeling. After Twilight, people may still fantasise about going out with supernatural beings. But surely not ones with such terrible chat.