Five reasons Pretty Woman hasn’t aged well

From the Harry Met Sally mantra that men and women can’t be friends to Cher using some pretty offensive slang in Clueless, romcoms age worse than any other film genre. I’m not saying they get less enjoyable – watching men run through the rain for women whose hearts they’ve broken will always be entertaining, but their gender politics leaves much to be desired. Hooker with a heart of gold classic Pretty Woman is no exception, so to celebrate its birthday, here are all the moments which haven’t aged well. Because it’s fun being a killjoy.

Edward is a condescending d**k

When Vivian is fidgeting in the lift, Edward rolls his eyes at a member of the hotel staff. “First time in an elevator.” In the hotel room, he continues his public-schoolboy-with-a-stick-up-his-ass act by telling her, “Try a strawberry, it brings out the flavour in the champagne." He doesn’t drink, so there’s no way he could know if that’s actually true. He also orders food for her at the fancy restaurant. Not only is that controlling, but what he orders looks like something Tommy Fury would serve up on Love Island. For starters, there are these damp slabs of tuna and cucumber, then there are snails (“It’s a delicacy, try it”) followed by mint ice-cream. Where are the chocolate chips? At the opera, when Vivian grins and declares, “That was so good, I almost peed my parents,” he is embarrassed by her, telling the surrounding crowd, “She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.” And when he sees her natural hair, he says, “Better”, as though there wasn’t an entire Julia Roberts standing in front of him the whole time.

Not one blonde woman in Pretty Woman is nice

Some say “blondes have more fun” and apparently the director of Pretty Woman says “blondes have bad personalities”. First, there’s the stuck-up store assistant who won’t serve Vivian because her patent over-the-knee boots and slumped posture suggest she can’t afford any of the many beige linen blazers on display. “I don’t think we have anything for you,” she sneers. “You’re obviously in the wrong place, please leave.” There are more sour-faced blondes at the polo game and giving dirty looks on the street and in the hotel lobby, so basically everywhere.

The film suggests all sex workers want to be saved

Vivian’s dream is to be rescued from a tower like Rapunzel. That’s not hyperbole, she actually says it in the movie. Pretty Woman has helped to convince men everywhere that the woman he hired out for the evening really is truly, madly deeply in love with him and does not just want to get paid. The worst example of this occurs when they are lying in bed and he tells her, “You could be so much more” as though sex workers are synonymous with “less".

Sexual assault is handled insensitively

It’s good that Edward punches his lawyer in the face after he tries to rape Vivian, but why is the proceeding argument about business and not the fact that he just tried to rape her? “It’s the kill you love,” Edward tells Philip before throwing his briefcase out the room, “not me.” Edward’s referring to their joint penchant for dismantling struggling businesses and selling off their parts for a profit. Maybe call the police? Maybe get a job that doesn’t involve putting thousands of people out of work?

Edward is rude to service staff and this is positioned as a win

You can always tell someone’s a bad person when they are rude to service staff. It might be enjoyable to watch Edward indulge Vivian with an entirely new wardrobe but why does he have to be so demanding? “We are going to spend an obscene amount of money in here,” he tells the shop assistant, before insisting on some “major sucking up” before they do. As staff flurry out endless samples, champagne and compliments, Edward tells them, “More”. I’d like to see him try that at the Oxford Street branch of Topshop.