Comment: Pandora

EDWARD WINDSOR bedded down with a local family in Amory (pop: 7093) to make Stars over Mississippi, a documentary featuring Ann-Margret. Although it screened in the US earlier this month, Ardent, Prince Edward's production company, seems cagey about naming the day when viewers on these isles might enjoy the show...

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"HOLIDAY ROMANCES are a common occurrence for people and, you never know, your dog may become involved in a two-week relationship - but not if they've got bad breath!" (Press release for dog-chew product.) Love me, love my dogbreath? Or a case of: I don't fancy yours, and my date's a dog?

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TOM CRUISE and Nicole Kidman could find themselves embroiled in a Satanic Verses-style row. During the orgy scene towards the end of the Stanley Kubrick movie Eyes Wide Shut, as bodies show skin before getting down and dirty, audiences hear words from the Bhagavadgita, the sacred Hindu poem. The British-based World Council of Hindus says "the matter is under investigation". But the American-based Hindu Anti-Defamation Coalition has taken a tougher stance, protesting at the highest level to the new hierarchy at Warner Bros. The coalition has juice; it's already tasted victory by pressuring Sony to remove a Krishna motif from an Aerosmith album, and then successfully persuading Universal to pull an episode of Xena, Warrior Princess in which the same Hindu goddess was portrayed entangled with Lucy Lawless during her sapphic adventures. The context? Some sections of the generally peaceful community are keen to be seen to match up to Muslim cultural muscle to prove they're not easy targets for pop-culture predators.

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ANOTHER SPECIAL domestic moment to treasure: two guys get into a fight while drunk in their flat. One knocks the other on to a bed. He rolls off, and smashes his noggin into the video. A Pandora person enters to find the attacker trying to heal the gash on the other's forehead by directing hot air at it from a hairdryer...

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CHRISTMAS IN AUGUST - Argos, the retail chain, predicts these will be the five best-selling toys of Christmas '99: 1. Pokemon battle figures (pounds 5 per pack) 2. Furby (pounds 26.99) 3. Rock & Roll Elmo (pounds 28.99) 4. Star Wars Episode 1 figures (pounds 7.75) 5. Action Man Mountain Bike Extreme (pounds 19.99). But forget Star Wars, the real action will be with Doll Wars this December. The opener: Sindy targets Barbie by getting a sexed-up makeover from the Vivid group, who are using celebrity endorsements from Geri Halliwell, Zoe Ball (pictured) and Denise Van Outen. Stay tuned...

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HAMMERTIME CONTINUES: some connections of Diana, Princess of Wales, are deciding it's time to sell - Bonhams Entertainment is offering at least 12 lots (north of pounds 600) this Wednesday, featuring her handwriting.

Sports fans, meanwhile, wonder if Newcastle's troubled start to the season will affect bidding on a club teapot (north of pounds 200) in the shape of the FA Cup, offered by Christie's on 24 September? Contrast the pounds 5,000 guide price suggested online by The Auction Channel for the 19 August sale of a 1961 FA cup winners' medal presented to Spurs' Bobby Smith. Fascinating fact: As Spice Girls' merchandise looks pricey, enquiring minds wonder about the 75 silver goblets that went walkabout after the Posh-Becks nuptials - they belonged to the caterers.

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REMEMBER ESMERELDA, the Chilean ship harbouring a crew member who allegedly stabbed a Valletta local while berthed in the Maltese port? In a Pinochet- style attempt to claim immunity, its captain told local cops that the Esmerelda, a training-boat once used as a torture vessel under Pinochet, was a warship. The latest? The ship is en route home Chilean authorities promise to return a suspect to the Maltese, pending delivery of the paperwork.

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OH, AND the world's oldest goldfish has died, aged 43. Imagine the obituaries: "The fish credited its longevity to clean living and plenty of water."

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora @independent. co.uk