Hollie McNish interview: The performance poet on port parties, death threats, and the reality of parenthood

Loyalty runs deep My family is from Glasgow, but I grew up in Reading. I was always a big football fan, but was forbidden to support anybody but Hearts. Secretly, I supported Arsenal women's team.

Social climbing isn't easy I'm from a pretty solid middle-class background. I went to Cambridge University to study modern and medieval languages – otherwise known as French and German – but I never felt I fitted in. There were too many port and cheese parties. At 18, I didn't want port and cheese parties.

Music is brain food I loved Courtney Love while I was growing up, and the French rapper MC Solaar. I used to obsess over their lyrics. It was always about the words for me. I used to get really annoyed in clubs if a tune came on that had rubbish lyrics. I'd protest by going to the bar.

I used to have terrible stage fright I didn't start performing my poems until my mid-twenties, and I found appearing at arts spaces very intimidating. It's not like I hadn't seen anything cultural growing up, but finding myself on stage took a lot of getting used to. I was terrified; I threw up a lot.

The internet can be a cruel place I was lucky: I went online and my poems reached thousands of people. But YouTube can be scathing – all those comments! If I had started online rather than at arts centres, I don't think I would have had the courage to continue. I got so many insults in my first year online, and when I wrote about the benefits of immigration, I got death threats. I can laugh it off now, but I couldn't then.

Breastfeeding is the last taboo A lot of people reacted badly to my poem about breastfeeding in public. I never understood the problem. Tits are everywhere, but breastfeeding shocks. Why? The most random online comment I got was from a guy. It said, "It's all right for a woman to do it, but if men do it, we get called paedophiles."

The pressure put on new and expectant mothers is unbelievable I've written a book about becoming a mother because I was angry about all the expectations forced upon pregnant women: all those books about nursery decorations and how to get your figure back. No one warns you about anything that isn't like a Hollywood film, basically. I didn't care about nicely decorated nurseries.

Children change you It's like we're all living this secret, where nobody wants to tell you all the gory things that happen in childbirth and the depression you can face afterwards. When you have a baby, you immediately lose part of your life. It's often great, of course – but nobody talks about the reality of it.

We should all write poetry I run workshops in schools, and I get people to team up in pairs and write about one another's faces: the wrinkles, the shadows, those small details that make them unique. It gets emotional. Often, they cry.

I'm quite a young mum where I live But most of the mums I get on with best are about 45. I'm 32. The age gap doesn't matter; we are all going through the same things.

Travel broadens the mind I went to Medellin, Colombia, once, for a poetry festival. It was an amazing place. And I went to Guadeloupe during university to teach children about British culture. I asked to work in a school where I might be able to help children who were struggling. They sent me to a place called Abyss. Time of my life.

Hollie McNish is a performance poet whose YouTube channel has received millions of views.Her book 'Nobody Told Me: Poetry and Parenthood' (£13.99, Blackfriars) is out now