Barometer

Sean O'Grady
Friday 14 August 1998 18:02 EDT
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Winner of the week

When Mr James Ferman (right) was appointed to be Britain's film censor in 1975, you wonder whether he could possibly have foreseen what lay - in all senses of the word - ahead. Now that he's 68, Mr Ferman has decided to give up watching mucky movies just at the time when many men of his age are beginning to take up the hobby. Anyhow at least he's still got his eyesight and the satisfaction of having fought off Mary Whitehouse and the reservoir columnists of the Mail and the Telegraph. He leaves us with a sensible plea to the Government to be as grown up as the rest of us are about non-violent sexual images. Obviously one of life's survivors, he deserves a long and smut-free retirement.

Loser of the week

Mr Ferman must have had to confront many scenes of explicit bestiality in his career, which brings us to this week's losers, the animal kingdom. The sexual exploitation of God's creatures in under-the-counter videos is one thing; Anthea Turner is another. If, a few years ago, you'd offered Tatler explicit photographs of a near-naked young woman dressed only in a python, you'd probably have been referred to the vice squad (who'd have given you a pretty good price for them). The snake may well have been as distressed by its role in this pathetic bid to relaunch Ms Turner's career as the Boveys in a previous attempt - but no one cares about the snake. Other victims of senseless brutality were the mink, the grouse (above), and the imported Danish pigs raised in "sow stalls", the pig equivalent to a veal crate, measuring 8ft by 2ft; just about long enough for an adult pig to stand in but not to turn around.

Birthday of the Week

Humans have an unlimited capacity to be hypocritical. Butch and Sundance, the Tamworth Two, enjoyed a low-key birthday party on Monday, complete with pig birthday cake crafted from pink marzipan. They didn't eat it.

Show of the Week

A documentary about the re-creation of the quagga. This was a half-horse, half-zebra creature, once plentiful in the savannahs of Southern Africa, but forced into extinction by man. The efforts to revive it show our DNA- fuelled arrogance at its worst. What man can destroy he can as surely re-create.

Image of the Week

A memorable shot of the President of the United States offering affection to one of his pet dogs. Now that's what I call an obscene act.

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