A Family Affair: Mum, dad, dad - and the children make six

Australian novelist Tyne O'Connell, 37, shares a mansion with her two husbands in Shanklin on the Isle of Wight. Her current husband, artist Eric Hewitson, 33, and her ex-husband, headhunter Simon-Peter Santospirito, 39, are best friends. Tyne has two sons by Simon-Peter (who is known as SP), and a daughter by Eric.

Tyne:

SP AND I were still at college when we got married in 1981. We had two sons by the time I was 22. We were basically too young to be parents. We were fighting all the time and decided to get a divorce in 1986.

I went travelling and met Eric in a laundrette in Egypt in 1988. I was 26. My heart stopped when I saw him. I started talking to him, and that night we went out to a party. He proposed to me on our way home, in the lift of a hotel. I just laughed, but it was clear that it was all going to happen for us.

I told SP about Eric as soon as I could. SP has an ego the size of a planet, so he didn't feel left out or insecure. We'd been through a lot at this point in our relationship, and the sex aspect had long gone. We both wanted the other to take their life forwards. Eric was worried about meeting SP and the boys, but they all got on from the start. When Eric and I were married, SP paid for the first night's stay at the hotel.

We all moved to England later that year. Eric and I lived apart from SP at first. When I got pregnant with Eric's child in 1991, we set up home all together, in a converted factory in Shoreditch, east London. It takes the martyrdom out of child rearing. There is no comparison to the early years when SP and I coped with the boys all by ourselves.

I don't really have much to do with SP's girlfriends. He's my ex-husband and I prefer not to think about his sex life. He very rarely brings them home. One German girlfriend overstepped the mark, however, by throwing my venison burgers out of the fridge because she was vegetarian. The kids understand the situation and they're happy. They have two dads, me, and each other. I think they have a great-er sense of security than children in a two-parent family.

Simon-Peter (SP):

I MET Tyne on 7 December 1979. It was a fairly instantaneous attraction. I was very struck by her. She's a very attractive, driven, intense person.

We got married in 1981 and initially it was all fantastic. We were both young and aspirational. We were not ready for children, though. Whilst I was doing really well, with a string of distinctions at college, Tyne was trapped in suburbia. Our life at the time was skewed to what I wanted to do. It didn't take us long to realise that our marriage wasn't working.

When we got a divorce in 1986, we decided that the children would remain our primary objective. In that sense both our drives in life were aligned.

Tyne and Eric met in 1988. He was gorgeous from the beginning, and we got on really well. I was not at all jealous. Tyne and I had broken up a long time ago. If I loved her, the best thing I could do was to help her achieve more in life.

For a long time I saw Eric as simply her boyfriend, even though he and Tyne were married. It was only when they had Cordelia in 1991 that the structure to our family became more cemented. He is a good balance for the boys. I'm more intelligent and better looking than him, but I'm dull. He's the more creative one.

I do imagine myself getting married again eventually, but there's nothing in the offing at the moment. I don't really bring girlfriends home because the children don't want to know about their parents and sex. Anyway, Tyne is a hard act to follow. If I was my girlfriend, I'd be put off by that.

I think that my family were very surprised by the arrangements at first, but can see that it works. My mother is Catholic and would have preferred a more traditional family, but she is happy for us. My friends think it is unusual but accept that this is the 20th century.

Eric:

I MET Tyne in Egypt on 9 September 1988. We met in a hotel lift. It was love at first sight, kind of lightning-bolt stuff. She is amazing looking and has real presence. I asked her to marry me there and then.

I always knew about Tyne and SP. She explained the boundaries of their relationship very clearly to me. I knew that as parents they were committed to each other. I still felt jealous, though. SP sent Tyne flowers to congratulate her on finding a new man. I remember thinking: "what's going on here?" I felt envious of the closeness they had.

I met SP a few weeks later in Australia. I thought he was a good-looking, very affable chap. It's impossible not to like him. Tyne and I stayed at his house for a while. I found it strange, but then we all moved to England, where Tyne and I lived apart from him for a couple of years. The relationship between the three of us became more solid when Tyne became pregnant. The boys now had a sister on the way, and there was no question of the children living apart. That was when we decided to live together as a three-parent family.

It was difficult at first. I had a conventional upbringing and had never imagined that this set-up was a possibility. My family and friends assumed there was something sexual going on. I worried that perhaps SP still had feelings for Tyne. I was jealous of their history.

Those feelings have dwindled and the arrangement now works really well. SP and I are very competitive about being the man about the house - who can do the most sit-ups or take the garbage out first. We are definitely best mates - we support each other in a boysy way and tend to gang up on Tyne. In many ways we have our cakes and eat them: I have Tyne and a permanent babysitter. SP has a family and a singleton's life at the same time.

Tyne O'Connell's novel `What's A Girl To Do?' is published by Headline at pounds 5.99