In the battle of Kate Middleton vs Meghan Markle, it’s Kate who’s got the upper hand

I have never been particularly interested in Kate Middleton. She’s not my type of girl – I always thought she radiated that special kind of “prim” reserved for those that like to have fun, but never go too far in the pursuit of it.

I don’t know her, but she has always struck me as being one of those controlled young women, born with the ability to stop drinking before things get too messy and destined never to get too fat to tuck her top into her freshly-washed jeans. Of course, her mother has the same kind of steely determination – Kate may not have been born royal, but she has impeccable genes when it comes to keeping oneself tidy.

Carole Middleton is the kind of woman who can still fit into her wedding dress without looking like something out of a Stephen King movie. Unlike most of us, I doubt she has ever found herself wandering into KFC at midnight asking for a family bucket of fried chicken.

And so, the world of women divides. Some are born to retain elegance throughout their lives, while the rest of us end up bulging out of our jeggings and covered in coleslaw... but we’re more fun (I try to reassure myself).

Still, I now know I was wrong when I wrote Kate off as “dull”. Over the last couple of months – ever since the jaw-dropping Oprah interview Harry and Meghan aired – nice, “sensible” Kate has emerged as something far more exciting than I deemed her capable of.

This shift into a new, more interesting Kate began with her low-key visit to Sarah Everard’s vigil on Clapham Common back in March, when the unmasked princess arrived to lay flowers for the murdered girl.

“Good for you,” I heard myself muttering, her actions being very much in line with the public mood. Obviously, her visit was timed perfectly and she departed hours before the vigil turned sour and the police trampled the victim’s floral tributes in an effort to control a crowd that probably didn’t need such heavy-handed controlling.

The next time Kate really caught my attention was at Prince Philip’s funeral, where she appeared looking the best I’ve ever seen anyone look at a funeral, part soap opera diva/part femme fatale, with a hint of a Daphne Du Maurier character thrown into the mix. She looked even more stunning than on her wedding day.

For those of us with a tendency to fabricate a narrative around a picture, there was a fanciful part of me that couldn’t help imagining that Kate was sending the absent and heavily pregnant Meghan an invisible “V” sign all the way from the steps of Windsor Castle to Los Angeles.

Kate, it seems, isn’t going to allow herself, William or her children to get walked over. She is fighting back, hence the charming, “we’re so ordinary despite being royal” birthday snaps of Prince Louis’s third birthday.

This was followed up by the ultimate John Lewis-friendly family video footage of Kate and William celebrating their tenth anniversary in a welly-boot run around at the British seaside with their adorable children.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond, Meghan and Harry missed out on a golden photo opportunity by posting an official second birthday shot of Archie, with his back to the camera in a slightly dreary sepia-tinted photo.

I’m sorry, but right now, whoever is dealing with press for the Cambridges is playing a blinder – unsurprisingly, a little bit of googling uncovers the fact that for the past year, they have been working with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s former digital communications head. Aha, now it all makes sense!

This past week also saw the battle of the books, when news of Meghan’s self-penned, soon-to-be-published children’s story book, The Bench, broke the very time that Kate launched Hold Still, her compilation of photographs taken by the public during the pandemic. With a written contribution from the uber-wordsmith Lemn Sissay, all the proceeds from Hold Still are going to the charity Mind and The National Portrait Gallery.

As for who will benefit from Meghan’s literary debut, we are yet to hear. But the rumours of an advance ranging from $500,000 to $900,000 would be slightly less galling had Meghan pulled a literary rabbit out of the hat. Sadly, snippets of The Bench reveal it to be a woefully insipid, soppily rhymed number.

Of course, Meghan giving birth to a baby girl very soon will put the publicity ball firmly back in her court; but then again, Kate and William have just produced their own new baby: their very own YouTube channel, a royal first.

I know it is wrong to cast these two women as royal soap opera rivals, but I can’t help it – and until recently I wouldn’t have put my money on Kate taking the upper hand.

But these days, if I were Meghan, in the unlikely event that they should end up at the same pool party, I wouldn’t stand too close to Kate – she’s tougher than I gave her credit for.